The time I rewrote Neil Simon

First off, let me just say that Neil Simon is one of my comedy Gods. I’ve devoured all of his plays, used them as a study guide. There was a period in the 80s and 90s that his new plays and musicals would open first here in Los Angeles before going on to Broadway (we were New Haven with palm trees). I would see them three or four times, watching to see how he revised and polished them… and

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How to get Tom Hanks to star in your movie

This is a true “Hollywood” story of how my writing partner and I got Tom Hanks to star in our 1985 movie, VOLUNTEERS.We wrote the first draft five years earlier (so far this is a typical Hollywood story). The movie centers around a preppy Yalie who ducks a gambling debt and winds up in the Peace Corps. Hilarity ensues (at least on the page). Sergeant Shriver, then the head of the Peace Corp, read

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Woody Allen shot a moose once

A few days ago I mentioned that when my partner, David Isaacs and I were starting out we used to listen to the Woody Allen stand-up comedy album for inspiration. Thanks to reader of the blog, blogward, for alerting me to this. Here's one of Woody Allen's classic stand-up routines from the mid 60s. Saturdays are becoming the comedy barometer day. You've seen a classic Honeymooner scene from

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The night Mickey Mouse entered CHEERS

Here’s a show-and-tell Friday question. I'm being spammed so leave your question but I'm moderating them to keep out the riff-raff. From Wally:One day, while falling down the rabbit hole of the Internet I discovered this clip, titled "Mickey Goes to Cheers." What can you tell us about it, good sir?This was a special for the Wide World of Disney, aired November 13, 1988 to celebrate Mickey Mouse

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Symbolism in MASH: now it can be told

Every so often I’ll read an article or term paper or passage in a book that references a MASH episode my partner and I wrote. The piece is most always complimentary; sometimes overly so. But invariably the authors will analyze the episode. They’ll identify the symbolism, how when Hawkeye hangs up his laundry he’s really representing the Anti-Christ, and they’ll find all kinds of mythological

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AMERICAN IDOL: the Pearly Dozen

Is AMERICAN IDOL sponsored by Crest Whitestrips Teeth Whitening Systems this season? Jesus, every girl but one had blinding white teeth. And the only reason she made the top 24 was because the producers felt they needed diversity.This was the first performance week. Girls on Tuesday. Guys on Wednesday. Bobsledding and alpine events on Thursday. I won’t be reviewing the guys. Based on the

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Olympic Ice Dancing

I can’t believe I sat through thirty hours of Olympic ice dancing. (Well, actually two hours of actual performances and 28 watching the Americans rehearse backstage.) I’d be in awe of all these couples if the NBC analyst, Tracy Wilson didn’t point out that their Twizzles were lacking, or the audience wasn’t drawn in by their storytelling, or the Indian dirge they were dancing to lacked

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How my partner and I met: Part two

Part one was yesterday.Following summer camp, David and I went back to our respective jobs… although his was still waiting for him. During my two-week stint keeping America safe the radio station changed program directors. I came back. The new guy hated me. I was gone. That’s the thanks I get for keeping the Viet Cong out of Colorado.So I moved back in with my parents in Marina Del Rey and

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How my partner and I met

A dear reader asked how I met my partner, David Isaacs and it occurred to me, I’ve never shared that story on this blog. Too busy reviewing HOUSE HUSBANDS OF HOLLYWOOD I guess.Anyway, here’s how we met. Summer 1973. Jack in the Box rolled out their first Breakfast Jacks. DEEP THROAT was charming theatergoers. SIGMUND AND THE SEA MONSTERS debuted on NBC. It was a great time to be alive.David

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Movie Theater Etiquette

This is me ranting about the little things in movie theaters that PISS ME OFF!!!It’s not enough to just turn your cellphone on silent . PUT IT THE FUCK AWAY. Don’t look at it during the movie. It’s like someone turning on a flashlight in a dark room. It’s distracting. Don’t do it! And don’t text message.Don’t bring a baby. EVER. Can’t get a sitter? STAY HOME. I also blame theater owners for

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CHEERS -- Jumping Jerks

After the two recent comedy tests I'm kind of hesitant to show one of our shows. But it's the flip side of those tests. In both cases the scenes were considered classic but were met with some indifference. When he wrote this CHEERS episode we thought it was okay; one of those episodes to fill out the season. But the reaction was surprisingly positive. People loved it.Believe me, I'm not

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The problem with guys wearing dresses

Here are some Friday questions to take your mind off the six feet of snow you have to shovel. Ref wants to know:Mine is more general. Are actors who gain success in a certain role usually typecast by their own choice (Comedy's easy for me, so I'll stick with them) or is it done to them ?An actor never chooses to be typecast. Being a breakout character can be a blessing and a curse, especially

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Netflix pick of the month: GRAND THEFT AUTO

Oh sure Ron Howard is a major Oscar winning director now. He works on prestigious projects with only the most recognizable stars in Hollywood like Tom Hanks and that English guy who played David Frost. But once upon a time Mr. Howard directed a much more modest effort – 1977’s GRAND THEFT AUTO. The producer was Roger Corman. Not exactly Brian Grazer but he had better hair.And Mr. Howard

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AMERICAN IDOL: Judgment Week

Okay, let’s do the math. 71 contestants left, each performing a final number for the judges. At 3 minutes a song that’s 213 minutes of music. AMERICAN IDOL Judgment night was two hours minus the commercials. So ultimately 46 minutes. Seems to me there’d be enough singing to really put together a dynamite show. Instead, we saw snippets of a few songs (some snippets even repeated) and two

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The Winter Olympics

...So for fun I called NBC Friday outraged that they took off my beloved Jay Leno Show for some ski competition. What the hell is going on over that at that stupid network?!I got voicemail.The Winter Olympics are here again! If you’re a U.S. viewer you can watch them live… except on the West Coast. We have the great misfortune of living in the actual time zone they’re being played in. So we

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My worst birthday EVER

This is an absolute true story.I was just about to turn 55 (which is traumatic enough). It was 11:15 at night. I was watching this documentary series on HBO about the Porn industry. Hey, it just happened to be on.They were asking various porn stars a series of questions. One of the questions was “What WON’T you do?”One by one they listed all manner of depraved acts. No double-penetration.

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Happy Valentine's Day

Most guys don’t love Valentine’s Day. It’s a holiday designed to trap them. If you’re dating more than one woman, you’re dead. If you get the wrong gift, you’re dead. If the gift is too cheap or too elaborate, you’re dead. If you get her a humorous card with Bush on the front you’re dead (although in that case you deserve to be).Or worse, they love the gift and card too much. Then you’re REALLY

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The inside story of the Niles silent scene

David Lee, the co-creator of FRASIER was nice enough to share the whole backstory of the DHP scene used as Comedy Test Part 2. For those who don't read the comments, I thought I'd repost it so everyone can see. Thanks much, David. Several thoughts from David Lee.Prize goes to the poster who said it reminded him/her of Mr. Bean. I had recently been introduced to his work and loved a lot of it.

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Comedy test: Part 2

Okay, now I happen to think this is one of the most hilarious set pieces in sitcom history. For the record, I did not write it. This is David Hyde Pierce at his brilliant best. Two questions: Do you agree (you don't have to, y'know), and if you do, how do you think it will be received in forty years? Will viewers unfamiliar with FRASIER and the Niles character appreciate the bit or find it

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another weekend of me on the wireless

I'll be on 790 KABC radio (and streaming on the net at KABC.COM and itunes radio/KABC) tonight from 7-10 pacific. Since it's the Valentine's Day weekend I'll be discussing love and romance -- two subjects I know even less about than cars.Sunday I'm hosting my regular sportstalk show from 5-8 (what better way to celebrate my birthday than discuss Dodger pitching concerns?). And Monday night I'm

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Hey Hawkeye, who are all those people laughing? I don't see anybody.

What better way to kick off the Presidents Day weekend than with a few Friday questions?Rob starts it off:Why has reality TV lasted so long? Is the amount of money that can be made from the show really that much more than what could be made off the Simpsons, MASH, or heck, even According to Jim?Reality shows are CHEAP to produce and people are watching them. But you’re right that they have a

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My reaction to YOUR reactions

Thanks so much to all of you for your feedback on THE HONEYMOONERS scene. Your comments collectively were better than any post I could write on changing tastes of comedy and just how subjective humor is. I also found your explanations fascinating and in many cases very insightful.Some people were a little dismissive but I guess that’s to be expected. I would hope you at least recognize that

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Comedy test: Do you find this funny?

In the past I've raved about THE HONEYMOONERS. This was a sitcom from the early days of television starring Jackie Gleason and Art Carney. Usually the comments I receive on this show vary from "this show is a classic" to "what's the big deal over this crap?"So today I thought I'd try one of my little experiments. Here's a short scene from one of the episodes. Norton (Carney) tries to teach

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AMERICAN IDOL starring Ellen DeGeneres

It was Hollywood Week – 181 inbred poodles in a box all vying for one Air Kong Squeaker Fetch Stick. This is where we get to see the dreams of157 young people dashed and beauty shots of the Griffith Park Observatory.But that’s not the big story. Excuse me, the BIG story!!According to Ryan, this was the moment all of America has been waiting for. The suspense has been killing us! Just how

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My thoughts on the Super Bowl beating the laast MASH

A lot of people have asked me what I thought of Sunday’s Super Bowl eclipsing the final MASH as the most watched television show of all-time. A little like the 72 Dolphins actually. Even though I had left MASH by then (the last episode my partner and I wrote was GOODBYE RADAR for season 8) it was nice to know that I was associated with such an esteemed record. Damn! If only the WHO had guested

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Jesus! Now I have to compete with Julienne Moore too?

Last week I talked about how hard it is to land a pilot if you’re starting from the bottom (and again, best of luck to you hearty souls). Today I want to focus on the other extreme – those actors who view pilots as a come-down. In other words, movie stars, or to be more precise -- former movie stars.Networks are completely enamored by movie stars. On the food chain of entertainment it goes

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SUPERBOWL XXLVIIXXLVVI

Has there been a more satisfying Super Bowl ever! What a great night for the city of New Orleans! 31-17 the final over the Colts. The celebration in the French Quarter should start winding down in June. Wish I were there to vomit in the streets with the rest of you.Some random thoughts on the game and the telecast.I have to say I’m pleased for many reasons. I still hate the Colts for the

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Richard Hatch

Richard Hatch is a celebrity unlike any other celebrity I have profiled here. He became famous as the $1,000,000 grand prize winner of the first installment of the hit reality show, Survivor back in 2000. He went from parading around discussing his Survivor victory and hosting a $300k+ radio show host gig after Survivor to serving a prison sentence for tax evasion and spouting conspiracy

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My Super Bowl tradition: The lost CHEERS

Every year on Super Bowl Sunday I present the "Lost scene of CHEERS". ( Tomorrow I'll review this year's Super Bowl.)My partner, David Isaacs and I wrote those scene, it was seen by EIGHTY MILLION people, (almost double the audience of the final episode of CHEERS)… then never shown again.. I may have tracked down a copy of the scene and when I do I'll post it. In the meantime, after

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Me on KABC

I'll be filling in tomorrow morning from 8-11 co-hosting the car talk show on the "flame thrower", the mighty 790 KABC and KABC.COM. I know nothing about cars so unless your question is "should I get a red one?" my co-host, Lance Kaplan, automotive expert, will be answering it. I'm there to give out the phone number.No Sunday Sports Final this week. What sports fan in his right mind is going

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Amanda Seyfried's Breasts Predict The Snow

I love the HuffingtonPost. I’m a contributing writer. But I am forever amused at their headlines. What follows are word-for-word actual headlines in Friday’s edition (along with a thought or two from me).Amanda Seyfried's Breasts Predict The Snow When the witch's tit gets reeeally cold...Anne Hathaway Strips, Talks Angelina Jolie's Kissing Angelina is the only actress with lips big enough

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UPDATE: The Writers Age Discrimination settlement

A lot of people have asked me this Friday question. This is an update and actually a reversal on my original position. Why? Read on.Here’s Tod’s question --Ken, I'm sure you've received a packet in the mail recently concerning a "Notice of Settlement of TV Writers Age Discrimination Cases". It's a class action suit where, apparently, quite a few major studios and agencies have agreed to pay

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The AMERICAN IDOL open auditions

Since all the open auditions are pretty much the same I thought I’d lump them all in one post. Call it AMERICAN IDOL IN A BOWL.The guest judges varied in quality. Neil Patrick Harris was terrific. I’d like to think he didn’t become the permanent new judge because he’s got that day job and not because Simon realized he’s too good.Shania Twain showed some personality and paid one hopeful the

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Guys are not going to want to f**k her

My heart always goes out to actors during pilot season (which this is). Here’s how hard it is to become a cast member of a hit series:When a writer/producer gets the good/bad news that his pilot has been greenlighted the first thing he does is hire a casting director and together they prepare a list of possible worthy candidates for each part. They then meet with the network casting person.

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LOST is back!!!

My favorite show is back! LOST returns tonight for its final season. We’ll finally get the answers to all of its many delicious mysteries.Is Terry O’Quinn playing Locke or Jacob or Vin Diesel this year?How will Sun and Jin patch up their marital problems now that she’s in 2004 and he’s in 1977? Might Jin cheat on her knowing she’d never find out because she hasn’t been born yet?Is FLASH

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I can't believe I actually won!

I'm coming out with a book next month entitled "Acceptance Speeches I Never Got To Give", but today I won the Best Sports Talk Show Host award from the Southern California Sports Broadcasters. Thanks to many people, most of whom I acknowledged in my speech (which was supposed to be page 411 of my book). But a special thanks to my partner, Josh Suchon. It's really a two-man show and I share

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