Some final questions as we wrap up this year

How fitting to end the year with questions. What’s yours?Matt starts with a follow-up question about the "how did we handle drinking on CHEERS" post:Were the actors actually nursing beer? They were drinking “near-beer”, 3.2 alcohol content, and it was warm. I don’t know George Wendt guzzled all that swill each week. However, the Heinekens in the writers room were real. VP81955 as...

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The guy who built the MASH set comments for this blog

A few weeks ago I posted photos of a MASH set built in someone's backyard.  The person who did that very graciously left this anonymously in the comments section, but I felt it was worth re-posting because as unbelievable as this might sound, not everybody reads the comments.  Thanks much to this person, whoever he is.  I sold it over a year ago. It's now in a museum.These pictures were not...

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My favorite quotes of 2010

Elton John -- "I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems". "If vibrators could light the barbie and kill spiders in the bathtub, would we need men at all." -- Kathy Lette, novelist, wonders whether marriage has had its day."Meryl Streep looks like an unmade bed”. --  Sharon Stone.Shaquille O'Neal, asked about becoming the fifth NBA player...

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My Best & Worst of 2010

Every blogger is pretty much obligated to do this.  So here are my Best & Worst in all the important categories.  BEST ENGAGEMENT – Tie: Shania Twain, who is marrying the ex-husband of the woman who cheated with her husband. And Hugh Hefner (84) & Crystal Harris (24). So Christie Hefner will be 34 years older than her new mother. Personally, I think Hef is just settling, but that’s j...

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How to sell a one-hour drama to FX or USA or A&E or whoever.

It's very simple.  I have discovered the basic cable one-hour formula.  Follow these steps and you premiere right after BURN NOTICE.  Start with a handsome likable actor. Heavy on charm, athletic, has a dimple, and can deliver a joke without needing a stunt double. For background, he was in some branch of law enforcement. Cop, U.S. Marshall, CIA, secret service, security guard at Warner...

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The winter wonderland of Hawaii

We like to think of it as our second home. Our two-bedroom condo in the E-Coli Village in Wailea, Maui. Okay, we don’t own it, and if we show up any other time than the three weeks we book it we’ll be shot on sight, but still, it’s ours alone.  The above picture is one I took from our balcony.  Hawaii is my sanctuary, my oasis. The beauty and serenity are unmatched, and as dismal as the...

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Great name for a SPORTS ILLUSTRATED swimsuit model

Leafing through my 2011 SI Swimsuit Calendar (you know me, I want to see what day Thanksgiving falls on this year), I came across this model.How's this for a name?  Cintia DickerNoted without further comment.  From me at least. &nb...

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L.A. is so much better without people!

The best week of the year in Los Angeles is always this one, the final seven days of the year. More property taxes and obligations are on tap for me in January, but here in the waning days of December I can bask in the glory of the city that Zorro once called home. First of all, the town is practically empty. Most people from the industry are gone, terrorizing the help in Hawaii and Aspen....

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A Xmas show by Matt Weiner & me

Here's a BECKER Christmas episode, written by Matthew Weiner and directed by me.  I wonder -- whatever happened to Matt?  For that matter, whatever happened to me? Merry Christ...

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My favorite Christmas video

Merry Christmas everybody!  And by everybody, I also mean the Jews.  Here's the fabulous Darlene Love....

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Was Sid Caesar supposed to play the Coach on CHEERS?

Christmas Eve. The night where the family gathers together around the computer and reads Friday questions. The holiday tradition continues.Brian Phillips is first: Did Sid Caesar turn down "Cheers"?No, but CHEERS did turn down Sid Caesar. I wasn’t at the meeting, but this is what I was told. Sid had a sit-down with the Charles Brothers to discuss possibly playing the Coach. Caesar...

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The digital Nativity scene

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How did we handle drinking on CHEERS?

Home from Hawaii.  I see the mail and The Friday questions have started to pile up in my absence so I thought I’d sneak in an extra day of answers. Please leave your queries in the comments section. Thanks.Lairbo is up first. On CHEERS, I can recall few, if any, scenes of someone actually being drunk at the bar. Were there rules or guidelines about this? If so, were they from the network...

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Confessions of a night person

The U.S. Army once had a recruiting slogan that proclaimed, “We do more by 9:00 in the morning than most people do all day!” Excuse me, but… that’s an incentive? By 9:00 in the morning I’m hopefully still sleeping. I must admit I’m a night person. Always have been. Practically every job I’ve ever had since high school was a night job. Of course, now that I think about it, I bet...

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My Christmas movies recommendations

A CHRISTMAS STORY is my all-time favorite holiday movie. I’ve seen it probably fifty times, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually watched it from the beginning to end in one sitting. Like most people, I catch the annual 24-hour marathon on TNT or TBS or one of those networks with a “T” and see various segments at a time. Usually, by the end of 24-hours I’ve pretty much seen the whole film,...

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The Sing Off

The Johnny Mann singers were the first a cappella group I really fell in love with. Their KHJ radio jingles from 1965 were fabulous. And then I learned there were groups who sang a cappella songs that were actually longer than three seconds. Then I was really hooked. When I heard that NBC was airing a show called THE SING OFF I was very excited. I was also surprised to learn this was...

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Finally! Something important to vote for!

My two favorite internet radio stations are both up for “station of the year” from a prestigious site. I invite you to listen to and vote for them both. GREAT BIG RADIO features constant kick-ass rock & roll, production that’s better than any terrestrial or satellite station, and has a sense of humor. It’s what the Jack format wishes it could be.RICHBRORADIO.COM is flat out the best...

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A touching Christmas story

This is a holiday tradition -- and fits in well with stories from my radio past.   Just as CHARLIE BROWN'S CHRISTMAS is guaranteed to leave you with a warm feeling, so is this tale of holiday humanity and kindness.  One of the many reasons I became a writer is that I got tired of being fired as a disc jockey. Today marks the anniversary of the last time I signed off my show with “see you...

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How could EVERYBODY get this wrong?

My friend RR pointed this out to me and he’s absolutely right. For all the Hot Stove League scuttlebutt, all the “insiders” who have access to confidential information, and all the baseball experts who can predict the future, nobody had Cliff Lee going back to the Phillies. No one had Carl Crawford going to the Red Sox. One prominent reporter announced that the Adrian Gonzalez/Red Sox deal...

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Some dude built the MASH set in his backyard

From what I can tell, he did a very nice job.  But he's not finished yet until I see a replica of my office.  Here are some photos....

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Debunking Robert McKee

Aloha and mele kameekeiiemaaakaaa (I think that’s how you spell it). Here are some Friday questions you’ve posed over the last couple of weeks.paul get us started:I just finished reading Robert McKee's Story, about screenwriting for film. One of the interesting things he instructs is about how in each scene there must be a change of value, from positive to negative, or vice-versa. Do sitc...

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FRASIER starring Lisa Kudrow?

Peter Casey, one of the creators of FRASIER, has been kind enough to share with us the complete story of how that classic series came to be. Part one was yesterday.  Here’s the final segment. Again, thanks Peter. GREAT stuff and it’s nice to have a couple days off.As I mentioned earlier, Roz was the least developed of all the main characters in the pilot. We hadn’t really come up with...

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How FRASIER came to be

Aloha, while I’m in Hawaii, I have a guest blogger. Be nice to the substitute teacher, kids.A number of readers have asked about the creation of FRASIER. Instead of giving my version, which has ME responsible for the whole thing, I asked Peter Casey, one of the show’s creators if he wouldn’t mind telling you the real story. Not only was he gracious enough to say yes but he filed a wonderfu...

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Stupid pilot notes

Pilot notes can be maddening. And we’ve all received them. Usually they’re of the “can we up the stakes?” or “can we make her nicer?” variety. Whatever they can do to make the show more formula. And if the exec just spent the weekend attending the Robert McKee seminar, look out. He’ll try to turn every show into CASABLANCA. And this happens more than you think. Often times networks h...

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Who is Richard Castle really?

One of the joys of being in Hawaii is laying out on the beach all day reading terrific books by authors who don’t exist. If Richard Castle were not fictional, he would be up there among the mystery writer elite. I just finished his latest, Naked Heat, and loved it. In case you're unfamiliar, Richard Castle is the character charmingly played by Nathan Fillion on the ABC hit series, CAST...

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One of these pictures is not of Hawaii

Three of these photos I took myself.  One I did not.  Can you guess which one?...

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Okay, you can play Christmas music now

Hello from Hawaii. Now that we're only two weeks away from Christmas instead of the day after Labor Day, I think it's finally appropriate to play Christmas songs. Here are some of my favorites and no-so-favorites. What are yours?Personally, I get a warm feeling when I hear Nat King Cole’s “Christmas Song”, which was written by Mel Torme. One Christmas night I saw him eating alone at Delores...

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Anna Faris: I sexted my dad

That's just one of the actual Huffington Post headlines I read recently.    These are the stories we really need to follow.  Taylor Momsen Promote MasturbationJames Franco Watched Man Have Sex With GigoloLiv Tyler Doesn't Know How To DateMila Kunis: The First Thing I Ate After Wrapping 'Black Sw...

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Black & Blue Christmas

It’s Christmas time in Hollywood and you know what that means – plastic surgery season!Yes, it’s the time of year when stars or anyone over 28 can sneak off for a couple of weeks and get that face lift, tummy tuck, botox treatment, and boob job they’ve needed since October. Instead of Aspen or joining me in Hawaii they can spend the holidays locked away looking like raccoons or Mickey Rourke...

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My all-time favorite sitcom scene

Aloha. Here are some Friday questions from paradise. If the answers seem weird, it’s the pina colada talking. Mark wonders:Ken, do you (or anyone else) have a single favorite sit-com scene (from one of your shows or not)? I'm not referring to an entire episode, but rather a single scene (of, say, around three minutes or so) than can stand on its own.It would have to be the "Chef of the...

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Shopping at the Sky Mall

Been traveling a lot lately so I got a chance to peruse the new SKY MALL magazine. It’s perfect for finding that special holiday gift at five times what you should pay for it. But in the spirit, here are some of the items that caught my eyes this year. Note: all of these are real. ACULIFE – Self-acupuncture kit. Their slogan should be “Instead of letting us stick it to you, stick it to...

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The night I met John Lennon

It was the summer of ‘72. This is another radio story. I was an engineer at KABC/KLOS in Los Angeles. It was a Saturday night. Elliott Mintz hosted a weekend talk show on KABC. He was (and is) very close to Yoko Ono. I believe been her publicist for all these years. On this particular Saturday night he had arranged for John and Yoko to be his guests. I knew nothing about it.  But...

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Trailer moments

When you go in and pitch a comedy idea to a movie studio, they’ll usually ask you, “What are the trailer moments?” Sometimes they’ll ask this in lieu of, “What is the story?” But studio comedies are all about boxoffice. High-concept ideas, bankable stars, sequels, franchises. Some studio people will tell you (but deny it) that sometimes the trailer is more important than the film....

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Today's Wal-Mart Chanukah special!

Perfect with Latkas!!  Happy Chanuk...

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WALKING DEAD fires their entire writing staff

THE WALKING DEAD writer/ executive producer/ director, Frank Darabont, recently fired his entire writing staff and intends to use freelance writers to tackle next season’s scripts. This is causing a huge stir in the Hollywood community. Well, not huge perhaps, but it is a topic at more than one Starbucks. Some writers are outraged. Firing a staff could set a dangerous precedent,...

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What's it like writing for animals?

A lot easier than directing them. On FRASIER the key to writing for Eddie was not asking too much of him. Moose (Eddie’s real name) had an extraordinary trainer in Mathilde de Cagny. As long as the stunt was quick and doable, Mathilde could get Moose to do it (always through treats and loving care). If there was some question while we were writing we would just ask Mathilde. More often than not...

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A non-Christmas Christmas show

It seems that every sitcom is required to do their annual Christmas episode. For ALMOST PERFECT in the first season, we decided to be different and basically refer to it just in passing.  There is a brief discussion about what everyone will be doing for the holidays, and decorations are up everywhere, but otherwise, it's just business at usual.  So to help you get into (or out of) the holiday...

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Ron Santo

How can someone have heart problems, diabetes, several amputations, bladder cancer, and worse, be a lifelong Cubs fan, and still be the cheeriest person you’ve ever met? That was Ron Santo, and that was his gift. Ron passed away on Thursday. He was 70. The man who lived under the darkest cloud provided the most sunshine for everyone else. Older readers remember Santo as a Hall of...

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Directing FRASIER

Aloha from Hawaii, where I never stand down from my “Friday Question” watch. Anything you want to know? Leave your question in the comments section. Mahalo.Katherine gets us started. Ken, I was wondering if you could give us a full account of what it was like directing an episode of Frasier. You'd written a lot of episodes for the show, but how was that different (or similar) to direct...

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What was in the envelope

For those who read my Patty Hearst kidnapping story and wondered just what was in the damn envelope, I can't say for sure but seem to recall it was a demand for free food distribution in the bay area.   Yes, they were terrorists and kidnappers and bank robbers, but maybe, just maybe, they heard me play "Begger's Banquet" and it melted their hearts.&nb...

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My role in the Patty Hearst kidnapping

Before I became a writer I traveled around the country like a nomad “spinning biscuits” as a Top 40 D.J. Here’s another incident from those heady and ridiculous times.It was 1974. I was working at KYA, San Francisco. KFRC was the big station then. Throughout my disc jockey career I always worked at the “other” place. There would be a powerhouse number one station like KHJ, KFRC, and CKLW...

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You've got to read this Spiderman review

The Spiderman musical opened for previews this week on Broadway after many postponements, several injuries, and millions of dollars up in smoke. Here's the New York Post's account of opening night.  I was laughing out loud.  It wasn't schadenfreude because I don't know any of the people involved and harbor no one ill will.   I think the fact that this was real, not a NOISES OFF "created"...

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Leslie Nielsen jokes? Already?

A few odds and ends today…Thank you all for the nice comments on my 5th anniversary post.  Look, I'm blushing.  Wow. I guess the moratorium on Leslie Nielsen jokes is over. This is how the Connecticut Post announced his passing. Check out the box with Nielson’s picture and read the caption. A little too soon, don’tcha think?In case you can't read the fine print:  Nielsen died in...

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

So I’m watching, for the first time, THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS and they’re showing these sprawling mansions – giant McHearst’s Castles, and at first you think – wow, wouldn’t it be great to live in one of those? And then you watch five minutes of these women and you realize you’d rather live out on the street in an empty Maytag box. Oh. My. God. I don’t understand....

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How Joan Rivers saved Christmas

Went to New York for Thanksgiving this year. There’s something really special about watching the Macy’s Day Parade on television when you’re actually in the city. The flight to New York was a cross between the Beverly Hills Gymboree and Lord of the Flies. If the flight attendants went down the aisle selling noise-canceling ear buds, people would have paid a thousand dollars for them. We...

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My 5th anniversary

This weekend marks my 5th anniversary of doing this blog. More than 2100 posts for over 5,000,000 visitors (although I suspect it’s more like five visitors checking back 1,000,000 times). Still, it’s been great fun, I’ve met some terrific people, and no one can cancel me but me. Thanks so much for stumbling upon this site and for you five regulars, thanks for coming back. I thought for...

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Now THIS was a parade!

Being in New York for the Macy’s parade was special. But when I was a kid growing up in LA, the Thanksgiving weekend always began Wednesday night with the annual Santa Claus Lane Parade down Hollywood Blvd. I looked forward to it every year. Unlike parades with elaborate floats and impressive marching bands, this had Hollywood B-actors, second bananas, local fringe celebrities riding in cars...

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Most improved sitcom: PARKS & RECREATION

Friday questions, and I have one for you? Why does ANYBODY shop on this day? You know the crowds are worse than any other day of the year. Why not wait until tomorrow? Or February and just apologize that you're late? Anyway, hope you had a fabulous turkey day, and here are some Friday questions for your leftover pleasure.404 says: I agreed with the outstanding post you did a couple of...

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Happy sitcom Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving. I look forward to the holiday, never writing about it. Every sitcom I’ve ever worked on, we’ve had the obligatory Thanksgiving episode. How many variations can you have on the big family dinner going awry? I think I’ve written the “turkey gets burned”, “relatives clash”, “nutty friends invited”, “can’t find a restaurant”, “kids break something”, “Guess who’s Coming to Dinner...

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Winter Movie Preview -- Part Three

Live from New York City!  Here's the wrap-up on my Winter Movie Preview.  Safe traveling today, everybody.  Look good for the X-Ray.TRUE GRIT – Remake of old John Wayne movie. But it’s by the Coen Brothers so it strays somewhat from the original. In the new version, it’s set in a Jewish neighborhood in Minnesota. THE WAY BACK – Just in time for a white Christmas, a film set in a Soviet...

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Winter Movie Preview -- Part Two

As the Levines wing to Gotham for Thanksgiving, here are more movies being unleashed upon you this holiday season.  Part One was yesterday.TANGLED – It’s really Rapunzel but Disney is afraid that any mention of a fairy tale will hurt boxoffice business for this animated film. Up next is a remake of SLEEPING BEAUTY to be called FEMALE ON THE ROOFIE. MADE IN DAGENHAM – Sally Hawkins in...

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Winter Movie Preview -- Part One

As we head into the holiday season, here's my annual Winter Movie Preview.  To be fair, I have not personally seen all of these.  Actually, I haven't seen any of them.  But that never stops me from having an opinion.  THE TOURIST – Angelina Jolie almost ruins a guy’s life. The role she was born to play. BURLESQUE – Cher, who now has become Jack Lord with hair extensions, and Christina...

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A holiday tradition: My Thanksgiving Travel Tips

The Thanksgiving holiday is the peak travel weekend of the year (in America. The rest of the world could give a rat’s ass about Thanksgiving.) So as a public service, here again -- and with a few additions -- are some travel tips. I'll be flying to New York on Tuesday so next year I should have five or ten more tips learned the hard way.  Leave for the airport NOW. Don't wait until the day ...

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What I'm thankful for

Besides my family, here are some of the things I’m thankful for this year.Rebecca HallVin ScullyThe Good WifeJon StewartRichbroradio.comMy daughter is not dating a vampireDon DraperNew Yorker cartoonsOpening DayThe iPhone Great Big RadioRachel MaddowA one-cent residual for MASHPaul RuddHulu.comHula dancersHawaiian sunsetspapayasBob’s Big BoyThat yellow line in footballSpam...

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Wanna earn some good Karma points?

I’m a big believer in PAY IT FORWARD. I was extremely fortunate to have made it as a writer. And even more fortunate to have mentors who were the comedy writer’s equivalent of the Justice League of America – Larry Gelbart, Jim Brooks, Allan Burns, Gene Reynolds, the Charles Brothers. I don’t know how I got so lucky. In a past life I must’ve been Gandhi or the guy who invented asthma...

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The true tale of Tom Tuttle of Tacoma

Back from Seattle. Sorry I was there for so short a time. Would love to have met some of you readers from the area. Next time for sure! Anyway, here are some Friday questions, the first one involving the state of Washington and Washington State. Gary asks:How did the character of Tom Tuttle from Tacoma, Washington come to life? What inspired you to make him a Wazzu grad?  Great character...

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The "Aha!" moment when I first realized I wanted to be a writer

I'm killing two birds.  From time to time I present brief excerpts from the book I'm writing on growing up in the swingin' '60s in Southern California. Reader Tamara submitted a Friday question: "When did you first know that you were a "writer"?  So here's a way to combine both posts. We all had to take state aptitude tests. These were a series of tests intended to determine which career p...

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trying to solve a 30 year mystery

There was a 1973 movie called THE LAST OF SHEILA. It was a murder mystery written by, of all people, Stephen Sondheim and Tony Perkins. More surprising, Tony was not in the movie and Stephen didn’t do the music. Producers really need to check out writers’ resumes.Anyway, it was an intricate whodunit very well received. I didn’t see it. I was too busy that year watching SWITCHBLADE...

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Heading off to Seattle...

...to pay my respects to Dave Niehaus. I’ll be tweeting throughout the trip for those who follow me on Twitter. The Mariners are planning a public celebration of Dave's life on December 11th.  More details soon.  Last week I was interviewed on KJR radio in Seattle about Dave and that interview is now on line. Thanks to Mike Gastineau and 950 KJR. See you in Seatt...

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Shameless product placement in DAYS OF OUR LIVES

Saw this and just had to share.  Soap operas are never known for their subtlety, but holy shit!  This is ridiculous.  At least when Danny Thomas waxed poetic about Maxwell House coffee it was in the tag.  Thanks to friend-of-the-blog Jonathan E. for alerting me to this. ...

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An open letter to Woody Allen

Dear Woody,I’ve been a long time admirer. For many years you were my role model. So much of what I know about comedy I learned from studying you. I owe you a tremendous debt of gratitude. I tell you this so you’ll understand that what I’m about to say comes from a place of deep personal and professional respect. Take a break.Stop making movies.At least for now. Please...

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Comedy 101 is back in session

You could probably sign up for an on-line course in sitcom story construction from the University of Phoenix or the DeVry Institute but those will cost you. I’m offering it for free but it means the sample show I use is ALMOST PERFECT and not GOOD TIMES. The choice is yours.If you haven’t seen the episode I’m about to discuss, you can watch it here.This was from the first season; probably...

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Hanging out backstage

Pictured:  Director Jerry Zaks, Katey Sagal, Randy Newman. Last night the Levine brood went to see HARPS AND ANGELS, a new musical revue of Randy Newman songs at the Taper Forum in Los Angeles. For you LA readers, check it out. It’s quite great. One of the stars is Katey Sagal (a slight departure from SONS OF ANARCHY) so after the show we all went backstage to say hello. Even though...

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Another of our lost episodes

This is a real "Show 'n Tell" weekend.  But these episodes I want to show you are starting to stack up.So here's another episode of ALMOST PERFECT.  This is one of my most requested, and if you look real closely there's a brief homage to Dave Niehaus, the Mariners' announcer who sadly just passed away.  Kim (Nancy Travis) gets to direct her first episode of the TV cop show she runs and she...

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What's on my desk - revised

A question for writers that has been circulating the blogosphere recently is “what’s on your desk?” It's the same question I answered a couple of years ago but a few items have changed, so what the hell? My iMac desktop computer .Mouse on a UCLA mouse pad.Printer.Froggy Gremlin childhood toy.Bob Hope in Dodger uniform bobblehead. (next to Koufax he was my favorite Dodger.)Cup o’ p...

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A sitcom story I bet you haven't seen before

Here's another episode of the MARY show my partner, David Isaacs, and I created for Mary Tyler Moore.  We always like to do stories you can't see on other sitcoms.  I'm particularly proud of this one.  I think it's one of the more ingenious stories we've ever come up with.  The teleplay is by Tom Straw and directed by Will MacKenzie.   And for you John Astin fans, he is heavily featured in...

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Why John Cleese never appeared on CHEERS a second time

Time for Friday questions. First though, thanks so much for all the lovely comments and remembrances of Dave Niehaus from yesterday’s post. Like I said, he was the best broadcast partner I ever had. Nice to know that the genuine affection and respect came through on the air between us. Okay, to your questions. The first will be answered by David Lee, former CHEERS producer (later...

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Dave Niehaus 1935-2010

The best way for a baseball announcer to endear himself to a new audience is to be with a winning team. You report good news every night and the fans will love you. Piece of cake. On the other hand...When I first became a broadcaster for the Seattle Mariners in 1992, I joined Dave Niehaus, who had been their voice since day one back in 1977. He said to me, “I figured it out, Kenny. For me...

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Movies with great beginnings and disappointing middle and endings

The new movie, HEREAFTER, opens with an extraordinary sequence. You’ve probably seen the trailer. A giant tsunami rips through a Southeast Asian resort. SPOILER ALERT: You don’t want to be on the beach that day. The giant wave advances past a luxury hotel and roars through the town, destroying everything in its wake. It’s awesome and terrifying. Sensational filmmaking. Fortunately for...

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I can't believe ESPN let Jon Miller go

ESPN’s decision to replace Jon Miller as the TV voice of Sunday Night Baseball is a colossal mistake. Other than Vin Scully (who’s in a class by himself), Jon Miller is easily the best baseball announcer in the game. No one else comes close. Having been his partner in Baltimore and having had the privilege to watch him work on a daily basis I was continually in awe of his knowledge of the...

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Conan's debut

It's good to have Coco back.  But I’ve got to be honest, by the time he got to Lea Michele I was reaching for the remote. And after a six-month build-up to this show and the whole internet full court press (I'm still pissed that he has 10,000,000 more Twitter followers than me), that’s not a good sign. The Conan I love is the one who is irreverent, loose, and unpredictable. At his best,...

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Font of youth

So as you can see, I went back to the original font size. Since it is the standard and anyone can easily enlarge their own screen, it seemed the best way to go. Thanks to everyone for joining the discussion. Looking forward to Conan’s debut on TBS tonight. Will let you know tomorrow what I thought. And as always, I’m more interested in hearing what you thought. Except for the Anonymous...

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Following up on Jessica Alba's dopey statement...

In light of master thespian, Jessica Alba’s recent comment that good actors don’t follow scripts and instead just say whatever they want, I’ve had a number of readers ask if that is true. For the most part, no. Some improvisation does go on in features if the director embraces it. Mike Leigh uses this approach (although I’d be surprised if Jessica Alba even knows who Mike Leigh is). Many...

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The votes are in!

You'll see in the morning.   Thanks for participati...

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Does size really matter?

As you know, I’m always looking to improve the blog. And by that I mean cosmetically. The content is what it is. Today, quite by accident (I mean, after months of focus groups and detailed research) I used a larger font size. It has really caused quite a reaction. Many love it, some don’t, others (like me) didn’t even notice the difference. But I might as well just ask: Do you like the...

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What is a Creative Consultant?

A reader wanted to know just what it meant to be a “Creative Consultant” on FRASIER. First of all, these titles are arbitrary and completely made-up. They can mean anything and nothing. For my responsibilities on FRASIER I could just as easily have been called “Teleplay Consultant”, “Script Captain”, “Producer for a Day”, “Supervising Shecky”, or “Power Forward”. In the theatre the job was cal...

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Tragedy at the Playboy Mansion and what cartoon they're showing

So I saw this news story from the LA DAILY NEWS and immediately went to Hugh Hefner’s Twitter account to see if he Tweets about it. As you know, he really keeps us informed. Here is the article and the resulting Tweets. This should clear up any confusion about the case. Thanks, Hugh. MAN FOUND DEAD AT PLAYBOY MANSIONLOS ANGELES — A man was found dead today at the Playboy Mansion.It...

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I guarantee you will laugh at this scene

I had the good fortune to direct this episode of FRASIER, called ROZ & THE SCHNOZ. It was brilliantly written by Jeffrey Richman. The premise: Roz is pregnant and meets the father's parents (played to perfection by Kevin Kilner and Jordan Baker). She is horrified to learn they both have huge noses. Will her baby have one too? This is the dinner party scene when everyone arrives and gets...

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Unchained Melody

"Unchained Melody" (written by Alex North & Hy Zaret) is one of the most beautiful and emotional songs of all-time. Most of you I'm sure have heard the Righteous Brothers' classic rendition of it. If not, here it is. Click To PlayThere are over 500 versions of this song, but maybe the best, certainly the most powerful is by Vito & the Salutations. This is a master...

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Jessica Alba is an idiot

In the recent edition of Elle magazine, Jessica Alba had this to say:"Good actors never use the script unless it's amazing writing. All the good actors I've worked with, they all say whatever they want to say."What a moronic statement.  Especially from someone whose only talent is her looks. Good luck winging Shakespeare, Jess.  Oh wait.  You don't do Shakespeare.   You do great movies like ...

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German Comedy Schools

Time for Friday questions.The first one comes from Kaan in Germany. My whole life I have this crazy passion for American television, especially comedy shows. Comedy is really my passion and so many people say I really have a talent for that. But every German TV Show suck! They are just not funny. There are some writing programs/schools in Germany. But I'm afraid if I go to these...

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Sparky Anderson 1934-2010

When Sparky Anderson was 30 he looked 75. And now that he’s passed away at 76 I still think of him as 30. No one had more energy than George "Sparky" Anderson. Even the last time I spoke to him, which was only a few months ago at Dodger Stadium, he still had that twinkle. The sharpness wasn’t there but the enthusiasm was. He came out when the Tigers were in town. The above picture is ...

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Adventures in pilot casting

The most important decisions you as a producer/creator/writer/whoever will make is casting. Everything else can be fixed. But the wrong people will kill you. On the other hand, the right people can send your project soaring. This is why networks today routinely replace actors in pilots. These decisions are often the result of testing but truthfully, actors are given a quick hook today if...

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You'd think a show starring Mary Tyler Moore would work

Thanks for the nice comments on the Katey Sagal/MARY episode I posted over the weekend. Also thanks to reader Dave Benson for actually keeping it these many years and uploading it on YouTube. I can’t believe in 24 years he didn’t tape over it. What follows, also thanks to Dave, is the pilot. Talk about a lost episode. So today I thought I’d answer the NAQ’s (never asked questions) ab...

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A couple of things I'm up to...

On Saturday night the California State Parks Foundation is staging a salute to MASH at Paramount Pictures. A couple episodes will be screened followed by a panel discussion. I’ll be participating in the panel along with producers Gene Reynolds and Burt Metcalfe, director Charles Dubin, and Father Mulcahy himself – William Christopher. For information you can go here. I’m also planning...

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Leo DiCaprio called me!

I was excited. Sure, it was a recording but it was really him! He was plugging some candidate. But still. Leo DiCaprio! I was supporting the other guy but now that I know that Leo DiCaprio, an Oscar nominee for Godsakes, is supporting his opponent I have to switch my vote. How can I not? You saw Leo in INCEPTION. He’s really SMART! Plus, who studies the issues more diligently than...

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Happy Birthday, Matt

You're a great kid and I love you.  Hopefully this year all of your sports teams won't lose.  Dad...

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The latest trend in TV development: buying blogs and Twitter feeds

In addition to $#*! MY DAD SAYS networks are snapping up internet properties left and right for potential sitcoms. CBS and ABC each have two pilots and SHOWTIME just picked up one. (I don’t know what NBC is doing. They’re probably still dancing in the halls because Jeff Zucker is gone.)At this moment there must be 10,000 hopefuls hastily creating blogs and Twitter feeds. Each looking for...

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Amazing Alan Alda impression

From Bill Hader on last night's SNL...

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My idea for a really cool slasher movie!

I must admit I never got into those slasher movies. Seems to me they’re all the same story. The popular kids who were too good to ever go out with you in high school all frolic off to a cabin for some holiday and some disfigured skeesix in a goalie’s mask terrorizes and one-by-one graphically slices them up. Yes, it’s grizzly and horrible but isn’t that sorta what they deserve? Would it kill t...

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Katey Sagal sings

Here's an episode of the MARY series that David Isaacs and I created for Mary Tyler Moore in 1985.  Thanks to reader Benson for posting it on YouTube.    This is the episode that features Katey Sagal singing.   We knew she was a terrific singer (she was one of Bette Midler's Harlettes) but the character she played in the show was a real curmudgeon, not the kind of person who would just break i...

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Merrill Markoe's Book of Genesis

Finally, some actual PROOF of the Book of Genesis, compliments of esteemed theologian, Merrill Mark...

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How a baseball is made

As the World Series continues, I'm always looking for baseball posts for people who don't give a crap about baseball. Here's one for anyone just curious or that entrepreneur looking to start his own sweat shop. How a baseball is made. This is from the Discovery Channel and it's pretty fascinating. Before you can "play ball" you gotta "make ball"....

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What is the best spec to write?

Working through these Friday questions as fast as I can. Here are a bunch more.Ajjjj asks:What show do you recommend to spec? You’ve mentioned 30 Rock, but since it's in its fifth season, is it maybe getting long in the tooth? Is it wiser to write for a young show with promise (Raising Hope, Modern Family) or to write for a show that might be too stale in a year or so (Always Sunny, 30...

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One of the true idiots I've ever worked with

Early in my directing career I did a couple of episodes of ASK HARRIET for FOX. It actually was not a bad show and I worked with some wonderful actors like Willie Garson, Ed Asner, and Julie Benz. But one of the producers was maybe the worst writer I’ve ever encountered in the business. And he really stuck out because the rest of the staff was terrific. For purposes of this piece let’s...

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Charlie Sheen, the World Series, the Kardashians, and Crusader Rabbit

Random this and thats…So Charlie Sheen was found naked and drunk and trashed a hotel room in the Plaza in New York. The naked hooker he was with was screaming from inside a closet. And what was the spin this time? Why it was merely an allergic reaction to medication. I dunno. On all those drug commercials when they list the possible dangerous side effects I’ve never heard them say “may...

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How to avoid the "casting couch"

One would have to be incredibly naive to believe that the “casting couch” does not exist in Hollywood (or more correctly -- East Hollywood). Gwyneth Paltrow, in a recent edition of ELLE magazine (I never miss an issue) said that early in her career, despite her parents’ stature in the industry, she was propositioned during a casting session. She quickly bolted but said she could see how...

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Reaction to my airline rant. They hate me more than when I blasted Katherine Heigl

Usually I don’t respond to comments. It’s your forum and I’m the hockey referee. I just drop the puck, get out of the way, and let you guys go at it. But my Sunday post on airline treatment has sparked such a heated and bizarre debate that I just had to chime in. So to some of my dear commenters, and I say this with the greatest respect, are you fucking nuts?! You’re DEFENDING the...

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Here's how you can watch all of your favorite shows all at once!

Yesterday I was introduced to the Red Zone channel. For those unaware, this is the NFL on crack. RED ZONE cuts from game to game to game while an offstage announcer (impressively) sets up what you’re about to see. But it’s impossible to follow anything because you blink and you’re on to another one. There are not as many quick cuts in the BIG BANG THEORY opening titles. At one point...

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Open letter to airlines: We hate you

RANT WARNING:  Sometimes I really go off.  This is one of them. Here's just the latest example.  I'm up in the Bay Area this weekend.  On Friday I tried to check in on line on Southwest Airlines.  Pre-check-in site was down, but it said if this continues to call and they provided a number.  So after three hours of trying I called the number.  Had to wait fifteen minutes.  When I finally got...

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Here's the team that should win DANCING WITH THE STARS

On DANCING WITH THE HOPE-TO-STARS Monday night, "teen activist" Bristol Palin attempted to show personality and humor in her dance.  She even went to Clown School.   (I could do a joke here about them offering a mother-daughter discount but of course I'm way above that.)  Anyway, the results were as expected.  There's a reason the nickname for dancing is hoofing. But for an example of great...

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notes from the campaign trail

The President of the United States managed to come to Los Angeles yesterday without crippling the entire southland. The last time was ridiculous. It would have caused less inconvenience if we were all just ordered to evacuate the city. Thirteen million people spending two days sleeping on cots in the Lancaster High School gym. That way the security detail would be satisfied that President...

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The writing process on MAD MEN

Time for Friday questions.  The first one is answered with the assistance of Matthew Weiner. It comes from Ted:I love Mad Men, and I've always thought that, like The Sopranos, the sharp writing comes from a staff in a room. But Matthew Weiner does a lot of publicity for the show, and he doesn't seem to mind if you think he creates every word, character, and storyline. So what's the truth? Is...

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The truth about product placement, or "things go bitter with Coke"

Sometimes a Friday question warrants an entire post. Like this one:Stephen asks:How do feel about product placement in shows? What were your experiences with it in your shows? Were you ever asked to feature something ridiculous (e.g. high-end sports gear in M*A*S*H)? No one from Nike ever approached us on MASH. Damn!  I could have used the shoes.COL POTTER:  Klinger, you horse's pato...

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Tom Bosley, Bristol Palin, Jenny McCarthy, and Cliff Lee

Miscellaneous thoughts or “Attention-deficit blogging”:Bristol Palin finally got raves from the DWTHS judges this week…for performing in a gorilla suit.What an awful week for sitcom parents. First Barbara Billingsley (June Cleaver) passes away and now Mr. C., Tom Bosley of HAPPY DAYS. He was a lovely man.Explain to me why ABC says COUGAR TOWN is a hit when last week MODERN FAMILY...

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My MAD MEN season review

SPOILER ALERT, but Jesus, watch the damn show already.  Enough people are talking about it. Can Don Draper find happiness now that he plans to marry his Laura Petrie with bad teeth? Well, first of all, no one is ever really going to be happy because without conflict you’re left with TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL.  But I do feel Don at least has a shot now.  As do some  of the other always-in-crisis...

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Beaver Cleaver

Barbara Billingsley, who played June Cleaver on the classic 50s sitcom LEAVE IT TO BEAVER, passed away over the weekend.  She was 94.  As a kid I marveled at how she cooked and cleaned and always wore a party dress and pearls.  My mom never did.   But for years it was an honor to be mistaken for Barbara's TV son. I guess that requires an explanation, huh? Okay, that means a look back at my...

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Aaron Sorkin on CNN

Among other topics, he talks about responding to a reader on this bl...

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Adventures in pitching pilots

This is the time of the year when writers are pitching pilot ideas to networks.  Sometimes we sell; sometimes we don't.  But we all have stories.  Here are a few of ours: We had to pitch a pilot the day after 9-11. The VP cried. (We sold it)We pitched ABC (years and many executives ago) and started with a joke. We said we had an idea that was tailor made for their network. We called in...

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Dancing with the REAL Stars

Check out this amazing video. Don't know who did the editing but he/she/they did a fantastic job....

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The live 30 ROCK

Anytime a show breaks format it’s a big risk. On MASH we did it from time to time. When my writing partner, David and I pitched the “Point of View” concept to producers we told them it would either be the best or worst show of the year.  But we took these chances primarily because we were in a format that was completely locked-in to a time and place. All other sitcoms could naturally...

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The writing job I regret not accepting

Friday questions comin' at ya.  For new readers, every Friday I answer your questions.  Just leave 'em in the comments section.  UPDATE:  A lot of you have asked me about last night's live 30 ROCK.  I'll talk about it tomorrow.  Preview:  I liked it. Michael has two: 1) Any writing jobs do you regret not accepting?We were offered the job to write the COSBY pilot but had to turn it down...

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The random shots I've been taking in the blogosphere

Wow! With this Aaron Sorkin thing going viral I’ve been mentioned in any number of other websites. What an honor to see what other people are writing about me and just how well respected I am in the cyber community. For the past 24 hours the film blog water cooler has been populated with chatter about Aaron Sorkin‘s response to the sexism criticisms against “The Social Network.” But I was...

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Can a sitcom be edgy and sweet at the same time?

The LA TIMES “Calendar” section ran an article Tuesday maintaining that today’s newer comedies like RAISING HOPE and COMMUNITY, even though they’re edgy, also want to feature warm emotional moments. And that’s fine except for one thing – you’ve got to earn it. Otherwise you’re WILL & GRACE. Every week they would do twenty minutes of sheer burlesque then suddenly switch gears and have this...

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The response to Aaron Sorkin's response

A million thanks again to Aaron Sorkin for responding to a commenter and causing my blog to go viral for the first time ever. And yes, it really was Aaron Sorkin. THE WRAP confirmed it with his publicist.This is all very unexpected – this viral thing. Like I said, it never happens to me – even when I give insightful writing advice or review Pornstar Karaoke. I guess I could address the...

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My take on DANCING WITH THE STARS

This is going to be a rather bizarre recap of DANCING WITH THE STARS because it’s only the first time I’ve managed to sit through the whole two hours. But I know the show is insanely popular so felt it was time I saw for myself what all the hoopla was about. First of all, I didn’t know half the “stars”. My first impulse was to feel really old and out of it but then I checked the bios....

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Comedy Writing 101 is back in session

I posted last night's SIMPSON'S opening but YouTube took it down.  So I took down the post. I hate when I can't post stuff I don't own.  Thanks again to Aaron Sorkin for sharing his insights in the making of SOCIAL NETWORK.  Compared to that a half hour episode of comedy seems a little minimal but that's what I got.Saturday I posted another episode of ALMOST PERFECT, the series I co-created...

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Aaron Sorkin responds to a commenter in my blog

Many thanks to Aaron Sorkin for graciously responding to a commenter on my review of SOCIAL NETWORK.  Having Aaron Sorkin contribute to your blog is like having Vin Scully agree to call your Little League game.    He posted in the comments section but I think it's worthy of its own post.  He responds to a reader named Tarazza.  Here's her comment followed by his.  Again, many thanks Aaron. And...

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The museums you have to see

In a nod to its proud and rich heritage, Las Vegas is planning on erecting a “museum to the mob” to open by 2011. Exhibits will salute the city’s founding fathers – Bugsy Siegel, Meyer Lansky, Frank “Lefty” Rosenthal, and Anthony “Tony the Ant” Spilotro. To add to the absurdity of this project, it was the brainchild of the current mayor, Oscar Goodman, a former defense attorney who represented...

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Almost Perfect -- "Overly Meditated

Here's another episode of ALMOST PERFECT. Monday I'll discuss it -- how we came up with it, our objectives, our approach. If you're writing a spec or just interested in the process join me Monday.  You can spend $500 at UCLA Extension and learn the same crap.  Like before, I don't know how to edit these things so it starts about 30 seconds in....

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KHJ: Inside Boss Radio

A few years ago I attended an informal high school reunion. It was held at someone’s house, everyone dressed in shorts, and the menu was pot luck. We basically just invited the people we wanted to see again.  So out of a class of several hundred there were like fifteen of us.  Being a lethal cook I volunteered to provide the music. I made hour long tapes of the 60s music that was popular...

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Why I never became a comedian

Here are some Friday questions and answers:l.a.guy wonders:Did you ever, or were you ever tempted, to try working as a stand-up comedian? Are comedy writers frustrated stand-ups, or is it the other way around? Also, have you ever worked on a show with writers who were stand-ups and if so is it good or bad?Personally, I never had the desire to try stand-up. Most stand-ups I know tend to be...

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The perfect date movie!!

Here's another except from the book I'm writing on growing up in the 60s in Southern California. A million memories -- three or four not painful.February brought with it my birthday. I turned 16. This is a bigger milestone for girls. Guys do not have Sweet Sixteen parties. But they do get their driver’s licenses!Unless they fail the test. Happy birthday to me.Parallel parking is...

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Even when they don't play they lose

While reporting on today's Texas-Tampa Bay playoff game, KOMO-TV in Seattle ran this.   Even when they don't play the Mariners lose.Congratulations to Roy Halladay who threw a no-hitter today in between Conan promos on T...

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The Social Network & a Sorkin parody

NO SPOILER ALERT NECESSARYI have a rather tumultuous relationship with Aaron Sorkin. I loved WEST WING. But I had some issues with STUDIO 60, which I detailed in a blog post. I also wrote a parody of his writing that I am re-posting below (since I assume most of you discovered the blog long after October, 2006). The LA TIMES did an article about what writers thought of STUDIO 60 and...

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"I don't do coffee and I don't lie to wives" -- a collection of our secretaries

Like all of America, I loved Mrs. Blankenship on MAD MEN. (By “all of America” I mean the million or so people who watch this best show on television.) She was Don Draper’s secretary before that word was banished for being politically incorrect along with stewardess, housewife, and two-bit whore. (I wonder: will the thoroughbred race horse have to be renamed “ExecutiveAssistantiat”?) ...

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My take on OUTSOURCED

OUTSOURCED has received a lot of bad reviews. Crass. One-dimensional. Stereotypical. TV critics have hated it. I didn’t. I sure didn’t like it but I’ve seen worse (this year even). So here’s my review coming at it from a writer’s perspective (not that anyone asked). And hopefully it will be taken as constructive. Disclaimer: I was not in on the development process nor do I know...

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The Duke F*CK list

Hey there aspiring writers, Karen F. Owen has found a new way to get an agent! And here’s the good news – you don’t have to write a spec script! Why slave for months over that pesky spec 30 ROCK or kill yourself over that original pilot? Ugh!! That’s the old way. That’s for saps! You want the William Morris Agency to come after you? It’s simple! Just fuck a bunch of guys and...

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So long, Joe!

Today is Joe Torre’s final game managing the Dodgers, perhaps his final day managing anywhere. I’m really going to miss him. And not just because he’s a big fan of CHEERS. Okay, well that’s a big reason but there are others. Joe is the definition of a mensch . Whether it’s a superstar player or just the schmuck who hosts the postgame radio show, he treats everyone the same – with...

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Yes, there really is a Master Bait & Tackle

Someone emailed me this week and asked how come I haven't posted any travelogues lately. Uh, it's 'cause I haven't really gone anywhere in awhile. But that doesn't mean I can't reprise a trip from the past. This is my Florida & New York March 2006 jaunt. By the way, I'm thinking of compiling all my travelogues into a book. Does that sound like something you'd be remotely interested in, even if...

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What was the problem with Sara Gilbert?

What better way to begin October than with Friday questions? WilliamJansen starts us off.You have written about how Frasier, Lilith and Bulldog all started out as minor characters with a finite time-span on the series, but advanced to full cast-membership because they were so successful. Did you ever have a minor character, that you wanted to advance to full membership of the cast, but...

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How'd you like to hang out with Hugh Hefner?

He’s 84 years-old, looks like a wizened fungo bat, and thinks that hot 24 year-old girls like him for who he is – but you’ve gotta admit, Hugh Hefner lives the life. He’s got a mansion, naked girls running amuck, a game room, a grotto, a screening room – everything a man could possibly want (if that man is Glenn Quagmire).Up until now only his elite friends and A-list celebrities were allo...

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Misc-Takes

Some random odd and ends. Hey, this is how Larry King started. Only in LA. It was 113 here Monday afternoon, highest it’s ever been since Joan Collins was born (1877). I kid you not, this became a story: It was so hot that a crew member on DANCIN’ WITH THE STARS and an audience member of THE PRICE IS RIGHT felt ill. But here’s the really really good news, the story goes on to report...

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All-night radio -- hookers, brawls, and dead presidents

More on my ill-fated disc jockey career. In March 1973 I was hired by KMEN San Bernardino to do the all-night show. My salary was a whopping $650 a month to work the coveted midnight-six shift six nights a week. As with Bakersfield, I was not allowed to use my real name. Let’s just say Levine sounded too, uh… “New York”. So again I was Ken Stevens. Of course how do I complain that my...

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Comedy Writing 101: how we break a story

Last Saturday I posted an episode of ALMOST PERFECT. As (hopefully) a fun experiment, I thought today I would break down the thought process that went into it. This might be helpful to young writers learning how to construct stories and for non-writers it might be fun or a giant snooze. I’ll try to be funnier tomorrow. This episode was written by me, my partner David Isaacs, and co-creator...

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MAD MEN factoids. Why???

MAD MEN has been exceptional this year! But what is with those “factoids” they introduced this week leading into commercials and promos? What’s next? Pop Up Videos? Joan: I can go alone.Roger: You sure you don’t want me to drive you?Joan: No, I’m fine.BLIP! This appears: “Colorado was the first state to legalize abortions”. Don: Sally, I have two tickets to see the Beatles.Sa...

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Tom Selleck and the art of lazy acting

Have you seen BLUE BLOODS starring Tom Selleck?   This is a new one hour police drama on CBS created by a couple of SOPRANOS scribes.   Just the type of show I never watch unless other people tell me it's great and I have to watch it. (meaning I'll probably never see the Jim Belushi lawyer show.) But I saw that BLUE BLOODS got big numbers on Friday night.   The odds of any show doing really...

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How do you upload photos in Blogger without wanting to kill someone?

Seems I’m not the only one on Blogger up in arms over their new posting operating system. Pictures in particular are now a nightmare to load. There are bugs galore in this new system. (Who do they hire to diligently test these things? Guys being chased by bounty hunters? ) And then I have the added tiny problem that I’m a computer retard.To be clear:  If I'm on Firefox I can't upload...

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Wow! They must really be out of stars for the Hollywood Walk of Fame

...

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Watch an episode of ALMOST PERFECT

Assuming I uploaded this right, here's another episode of ALMOST PERFECT starring Nancy Travis. It's called "El Pollo Loco" and it's one of my favorite episodes. Come back on Monday and I'll discuss the process that went into breaking the story, orchestrating the big stunt, and what we were attempting to accomplish. It's just like being in the writers room without anyone attacking you.One thi...

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Jeff Zucker OUT at NBC!!!

With the Comcast merger Jeff Zucker departs NBC after completely destroying it.   As head of programming he took NBC from first to deep fourth.  Normally that would be grounds for dismissal.  No.  Jeff became the CEO.  From there he further buried the network, hiring the character Will Arnett plays in RUNNING WILDE to run NBC.   Then there's the whole Leno in primetime disaster followed by the...

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Could I direct RAGING BULL?

Here are some Friday questions.sophomorecritic starts us off:You mostly see yourself as a writer and TV producer. At the same time, you've directed but you seem rather non-chalante about it. How many steps were you away in training and experience from being the kind of director that gets nominated for Oscars and gets recognition for a distinct style. For example, if the same exact production...

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The new TV season so far

It’s only the first week of the new season but so far comedy has not kicked ass. Last year was a banner bounce-back season for the genre. Freshman shows like MODERN FAMILY and GLEE became breakout hits and others like COUGAR TOWN and THE MIDDLE at least managed to grab a toehold. I haven’t seen all the new entries this year but so far things are not looking good – either creatively or...

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My adventure-pilot part two

I know what you’re thinking – what a cliffhanger!! To refresh, I’m writing an action-drama pilot utilizing all the great writing conventions they employ on these shows. Part one was yesterday. And part two is right now. Drama is welcome and we know characters.GUNS & EMOBy Ken LevineFADE IN:ANNOUNCERPreviously on “Guns & Emo”…SUPER QUICK CUTS TO PAST EPISODES.LIBBYThis wasn’t in the...

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I've written an action-adventure pilot you can read

I know it’s a guilty pleasure but all summer I’ve watched those action-adventure shows on USA and TNT. And like most people who watch TV, I thought: “Hey, I could do that.” So I decided to knock out a pilot for my own action-adventure series. After studying the genre carefully, I think I’ve artfully woven in all the standard conventions. So what do you think?GUNS & EMOBy Ken LevineFADE ...

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How to pitch a pilot or movie

Sometimes a Friday question is worth a whole post. So here’s one from Cap’n Bob Napier about pitching.Ken, I recently worked at a writer's conference helping people practice their pitch before meeting with an agent or editor. In 99% of the cases they presented a summary or synopsis or plot rundown, but never a pitch. Would you discuss what sets a pitch apart from a synopsis, etc.?Pitching is an...

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Things not to do in Disneyland

Saw this picture recently and it reminded me of a few of the stunts I used to pull at Disneyland in my younger days. Not that I'm proud of any of these of course. Tom Sawyer's Island had all those little caves and crevices. Ideal for smoking illegal substances. In the late 60's, nine out of ten teenagers would enter the park and head right for Tom Sawyer's. There could be no lines for Pirates...

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Stars Wars Main Titles -- Hawaii 5-0 style

From HaphazardStuff.com comes this great vid...

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This would send me into therapy for fifty years

From a 70s sex education film. Guys, don'tcha hate it when this happens??Yeah. Knock, mom. And take acting lesso...

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Never say "break a leg" to Kaley Cuoco

It’s Friday question day. Poor Kaley inspires the first one.From Rockgolf:I just saw that Kaley Cuoco broke her leg in a horseback riding accident and that The Big Bang Theory show is planning to rewrite the script they are filming tonight without her.That sounds like a Herculean task to take a significant character out of an episode in two or three days. Has this ever happened on a show you...

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*!##*& my father said... on the air

Today is my dad's 83rd birthday. He remains my hero. You of course recognize him as the host of the restaurant Nancy Travis entered in ALMOST PERFECT. Today's post is another excerpt from the book I'm writing on growing up in Los Angeles in the 60s. I selected it because it features my father. In 1967 he was an account executive at KABC radio (yes, the same KABC that I do Dodger Talk on)....

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Fall Movie Preview - Part two

Here's the concluding half of my annual Fall Movie Preview. Part one was yesterday.LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS –Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake plays a Viagra salesman. If the movie lasts longer than four hours consult your physician.RED – Adapted from a graphic novel. League of Justice with AARP members. Helen Mirren as an action hero? This I gotta see. Boxoffice prospects dim since ev...

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Fall Movie Preview - Part one

Before you go to the neighborhood Cineplex or even waste your time watching trailers on line, here is my annual comprehensive Fall Movie Preview. The only thing I haven't done is seen any of these movies.HARRY POTTER (AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS – PART 1) This long running franchise will soon be coming to an end since Daniel Radcliffe who plays Harry could soon play Dumbledore.WALL STREET: MONEY...

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The sitcom Pepsi Challenge

This is something new – a cross-blog debate. Answering a Friday question once I mentioned that single-camera sitcoms seemed to move quicker than multi-camera shows. Earl Pomerantz, in his excellent blog, disagrees. Here’s his full article, well worth reading. I agree with just about every point Earl makes except the conclusion.Here’s what Earl said:When I watch The Office, or Community,...

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Equal time: What actors hate

Last week I talked about writer pet peeves when it comes to getting notes, focusing in one section on bad actor behavior. Well today, in the spirit of fairness, here are some things actors hate. Writers take note.Actors hate having to give exposition. It’s dry, it’s informational, it’s not fun. Unfortunately, SOMEONE has deliver the exposition. The trick is to spread it around, find ways to...

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Remembering Larry Gelbart

As if 9-11 wasn't tragic enough, it was also on this date one year ago that we lost Larry Gelbart. So, if you'll indulge me, I'd like to re-post my piece on this man I so loved. In addition to everything else, he wrote beautiful eulogies. With his flair for words and wit and warmth he constructed eloquent touching tributes. I used to kid him that he had to live forever because no one else...

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9-11 and David & Lynn Angell

This is a re-post but I will probably be re-posting it every year on this date.9/11 affected us all, profoundly and in many cases personally. Two of my dear friends were on flight 11. David and Lynn Angell. There hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought of them, missed them, and not felt grateful that they were in my life.David and I worked together on CHEERS, WINGS, and FRASIER (the latter two he...

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What movies NOT to remake

It’s Friday Question day!!scottmc kicks it off:A question inspired by a NY Times article on the remake of 'Arthur', starring Russell Brand and Helen Mirren. Hopefully this won't misfire like 'The In-Laws', but it isn't promising. My question: what two or three movie comedies would you least like to see remade?Well, first of all – ARTHUR. Making that movie without Steve Gordon’s brilliant scr...

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The "When will they do a TV series?" game!

And what a fun game it is! Yesterday I did a post on TV stars who become movie stars. More often though, it goes the other way. When movie stars are riding the crest of popularity, the very thought of doing a television series is absolutely abhorrent. TV is soooo far beneath them.But then they have a few boxoffice misfires. And they start to age. And younger, newer, fresher faces appear...

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How TV stars become movie stars

I saw Jason Bateman in THE SWITCH last week. Cute little movie but he was really impressive. Okay, Jeff Goldbum stole it but Jason held his own. The point is Jason Bateman is a long-time television actor finally getting a chance to star in movies. Will he become a movie star? Too soon to tell. His co-star, Jennifer Aniston (playing Rachel for the ninth film in a row) so far is not. For...

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Maybe the weirdest story you'll hear all year

Remember those songs like “Lonesome Town” and “Heartbreak Hotel”, metaphoric destinations for the lost and lonely? Imaginary havens for love’s refuse. Well, it turns out one such place actually exists!!There is a seaside resort town in Japan named Atami. It used to be a romantic getaway for young lovebirds. Well, either business was bad the women were stealing too many hair dryers but the...

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The brilliance of Paul Conrad

My favorite political cartoonist, Paul Conrad of the LA TIMES passed away Saturday. He was 86. In a career that spanned over 50 years he won three Pulitzer Prizes and more impressive, he was named on Nixon's Enemy List.Conrad was fearless, funny, a fabulous artist, wildly original, and his cartoons hit you like a stun gun.Here are just a few examples. If there is an afterlife, Nixon and Rea...

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My favorite pitch meeting EVER

In 1978 my partner, David Isaacs and I were head writers of MASH. That fall we also signed on to write a pilot for CBS. Our producer was Allan Carr (pictured above). He was this rather flamboyant character famous for throwing lavish parties in the “King Tut Disco” in his home, producing such films as SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER and GREASE, and winning a Tony for producing LA CAGE ...

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Labor Day Weekend recommendation

All this weekend GREAT BIG RADIO is playing the music on that magical year, 1970. Relive that year in music where nothing new happened, where Led Zepplin records played back-to-back with the Carpenters. It’s the end of some musical trends and the holding place for others. Hear it here.But oh the memories….1970The Kent State Massacre.Ziploc bags are invented.Simon & Garfunkel win every...

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The "Jumping the Shark" writer finally speaks out

There’s a nice article in Friday’s LA TIMES “Calendar” section by Fred Fox Jr. the writer who wrote the famous “Jump the Shark” episode of HAPPY DAYS.Very quickly, for those who don’t know, several guys were sitting around a bar one night discussing their favorite shows and wondering what was the precise moment that they went downhill? One suggested for HAPPY DAYS it was when Fonzie literally...

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Debunking CHEERS myths

The official kick-off to the Labor Day Weekend is reading Friday Questions.Joey on the 8s has a couple of CHEERS questions.1. Our tour guide took us by "the tank" on Paramount's lot, and I found where you mentioned it in a previous post. This guide told a story about how it was used in Cheers in the "Sam proposes to Diane" scene where Diane is supposed to end up on "Boston harbor." His story w...

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How NOT to give notes (part 1, even though part 2 was yesterday)

This was supposed to be part one of a two part article until I screwed up the timer. If you think I'm bad with programming a blog you should see me on heavy machinery. Anyway, the other part was yesterday and yesterday's is today. This is a post for executives, studios, networks, pod producers, critics, D-girls, professors, wives – anyone who gives script notes. How you present notes is...

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How NOT to give notes

Here are some ways not to give notes. I screwed up and posted part 2 first. The first half of this helpful constructive rant will be posted tomorrow. The point is how not to give notes. Tomorrow will be centered more on network and studio executives. Think through the ramifications of your notes. Don’t just say, “let’s do this instead”. Your suggestion may solve one immediate problem but...

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Some final Emmy thoughts

A follow-up to yesterday's review of the Emmys.The ratings were about the same as last year. So congratulations to the Chabad telethon.In response to my comment about winner Jim Parsons I received a nice note from David Hyde Pierce reminding me that HE is the young David Hyde Pierce.MAD MEN’S Matt Weiner also emailed to say that his co-writer Erin Levy was being hugged by her father out of...

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My 2010 Emmys Review

Shorter than the Oscars and gayer than the Tonys – it’s the 62nd annual Emmy Awards! This year starring Betty White and Temple Grandin.For the first time ever the Emmys were shown live in Los Angeles. NBC recognized they were up against very stiff competition this year -- the Chabad Telethon.What an inconvenience that three-hour tape delay used to be. Every year my wife would have to excuse...

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One of my favorite Emmy moments

Big surprise it's Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart. I hope I have something this funny to review tonig...

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Emmy acceptance speech tips

As a public service for those lucky nominees, here are some Emmy acceptance speech tips. My review of tonight's Emmycast will appear tomorrow. Good luck to all the people I like and bad luck to the ones I hate....

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The Best of the "Worst of" the Emmys

Every year I review the Emmy Awards. To get you ready, and for any new readers of this blog, here are selected samples of my Emmy reviews from 2006-2009. You'll find this year's edition on Monday morning.The people in the first ten rows you don’t recognize are called “seat fillers”. When the seat fillers have to go to the bathroom they’re replaced by the “nominated writers”.Great questions on...

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Once you get Klinger out of his dress, then what???

What happened to the summer? That’s the first Friday question. Here are others. Thanks for asking yours.benson wonders:Many series have clip show episodes with some new material to tie together all the reminiscences. Do you keep an audience from a regular taping, or if there is something in need of a audience reaction, do you just sweeten with taped reactions?I never had a show of my own on...

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My Netflix Pick of the Month

I know this is going to sound incredibly self-serving but hear me out. This month’s Netflix pick is VOLUNTEERS. Yes, my partner David Isaacs and I wrote it but that’s not why I’m recommending it – well, not the only reason.I always thought the movie was good but uneven. And there were artistic decisions made that I didn’t (and still don’t) agree with. Breaking the fourth wall for the sake...

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Another "How I was almost fired" radio story

Here’s another censorship story – and also one of my early days in radio stories. Except this time I was the censor.In late ‘72/early ’73 I was a board op (glorified name for engineer) at KLOS, Los Angeles. You know today’s “Classic Rock” stations that play Layla and everything ever recorded by the Allman Brothers? That’s what they played then, when it was just considered music to get stoned...

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One of my favorite network censor stories

Yeah, this one's a dandy. It occurred on MAUDE, a big hit show from the 70s. Remember last month my post on CBS Standards & Practices having a list of unacceptable words? They were even worse in the 70s.MAUDE was a spinoff of ALL IN THE FAMILY and had that same biting edge to it. Censors were always having fits. Hey, they had an abortion episode on MAUDE. Meanwhile, Marcia Brady struggled...

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Poster for #INCEPTION sequel

Many thanks to blog reader Michael for creating the poster to the sequel of INCEPTION. This goes back to my previous post -- Studio notes for INCEPTION. Thanks Mi...

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Studio Notes on INCEPTION

I submitted this originally to the New Yorker but they never responded so what the hell? I'll run it here. No spoiler alert necessary because there's nothing in here that's not already in the trailer. And hopefully by now, most of you will have seen the movie anyway. Memo to Christopher Nolan:From: Wendee Geldorfman-O’DayStudio creative junior executiveRe: Rough cut of INCEPTIONDear...

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Overwriting and why it's bad to write more than you need to make the same point

When reading a spec, one of the most common traps I see young writers falling into is overwriting.First thing I do when receiving a spec check its length. If I get a hernia lifting it, that’s not good. A comedy screenplay should be no more than 120 pages and that’s stretching it. Sitcoms vary depending on the rhythm and format of the show. But if you write a spec COUGAR TOWN and it’s 50 pages,...

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Dick Van Dyke at his very best

When I was a kid growing up the sitcom that influenced me the most was THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW. I wanted to be a comedy writer after seeing how much fun they all had on that show. Aw, who am I kidding? I wanted Laura Petrie. But comedy writing did seem like a cool profession. People think of THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW as a sophisticated comedy and it certainly was. But the show also featu...

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What should THE OFFICE do?

This is why television should not base all of their programming decisions on research: Based on your comments my “Friday Questions” is by far the most popular feature of the blog. It also consistently attracts the lowest traffic of the week.But don’t worry. I’m not canceling it. It’s not like I’m developing “Friday Poetry Corner” in case the demos don’t improve.Kevin Laseau gets us start...

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MAD MEN so far

My thoughts on MAD MEN so far this season… not that anyone asked.I guess I should say SPOILER ALERT although for Godsakes it’s Thursday. Watch it already.First off, this is one of the best seasons so far. Usually they take three or four weeks to leisurely just set things up. This year they were off like a shot and every episode is packed with surprising events, wonderful moments, and this w...

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I don't care if he's president, I gotta get to work!

Wow. I am overwhelmed by your responses to yesterday’s blog post. A far cry from when Opie & Anthony fans took issue with something I said and flooded my comments section with death threats. But just know I really appreciate your kind words. Since I’m not making any money off this folly, the satisfaction is knowing I’m reaching a few people.And your lovely comments were especially welco...

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My 2000th blog post

When I started this blog in November of 2005 my daughter Annie was horrified. Was this going to be one of those “I had Fruit Loops for breakfast and then brushed my teeth” kind of blogs -- writing shit no one remotely cared about? I assured her that’s not what I was planning to do. (Now we have FACEBOOK and Twitter for that.) “Then what are you going to write about?” she aske...

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Do not try this at home!

I have read some bad specs in my time and now offer some suggestions of what not to do based on actual scripts I have read…or at least attempted to read.Don’t view the show from the perspective of a fly. I once read a WINGS spec as seen by a buzzing fly. I offer this as the first example because I know so many young writers fall into this same trap.Don’t put yourself into the show and make...

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That swingin' Man from UNCLE

Some shows would update their opening titles every season. This was great if you loved the theme. One of my favorites was THE MAN FROM UNCLE, a James Bond-type spy show, composed by Jerry Goldsmith. Here are several versions. If you can listen to these and not want to foil the latest THRUSH plot then there's something wrong with y...

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Not all TV theme songs were great

Even though I had a crush on Sally Field and watched this show religiously, the main title theme song always made me want to vomit. It is sooo cloying and syrupy, and...ugh!!! I know one commenter thought it was his favorite so I may get some flack here but still...ugh...

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Two cool animated opening titles

There have been some great animated opening titles too. One of my recent favorites is from the British show HUSTLE. The new USA network program COVERT AFFAIRS also has slick animated titles. I wonder if they were made by the same company or at the very least the COVERT producers used HUSTLE as their template.Here's both HUSTLE and COVERT AFFAIRS.Note: the worst 60s teen theme is ne...

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"A hot dog makes her lose control"

Sitcoms about crazy kooky teenagers were the rage in the 60s. Best opening titles of the bunch was THE PATTY DUKE SHOW. If you're a baby boomer you can probably still sing the words. My favorite lyric of course is "A hot dog makes her lose control". Hmmm? What hidden meaning could that have in 1965 to a generation of adolescents?Later today, the worst 60s teen show opening titles. Get re...

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An insane TV opening and theme

Here's another TV opening from the late 50s -- 77 SUNSET STRIP. Believe it or not, this was a drama show. I only wish THE SHIELD had done this.More later today...

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Stan Chambers

I can’t imagine Channel 5 without Stan Chambers. That’s like New York without Times Square, Paris without the Eiffel Tower, the post office without lines. For 63 years Stan has reported the news on KTLA. In his mild-mannered way, Stan has been on the scene for every major local story. Imagine Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood during a riot, brush fire, or earthquake.The good news is that Stan, at...

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One of my favorite old TV theme songs

Last week I went on my "bring back TV openings" rant. Thanks to so many of you who posted your favorites. It occurred to me that many of my readers may not have heard of some of these shows if they were from the 50s and 60s. So I thought throughout the day tomorrow I'd share some of my favorites (and not-so-favorites). Enjoy them again or for the first time.As a tease, this is THE AVENGERS...

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One of the greatest catches EVER

Who knew Spider-Man played baseball in Japan? W...

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How we write

Only two Friday questions because they require long answers and in one case, a visual aid. The theme is how we write. What’s your question?To start us off, here's Matt:What is your process of writing a script with David? You once posted that during the writing of a Cheers episode you had an assistant write everything out on a steno-pad while you dictated to him.Is this the way you and David...

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THE GIRLS NEXT DOOR: BUNNY HOUSE -- My new favorite idiotic reality show

You know me, always on the lookout for truly jaw dropping reality shows. Well, last night I came across a great one: THE GIRLS NEXT DOOR: BUNNY HOUSE on E!You’re all invited to swing by the Playboy Mansion and meet the former Playmates who inhabit this on-site dormitory called The Bunny House. Inside you’ll find nine or ten of the dumbest female creatures ever to inhabit the earth and their...

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Don't forget Neil Simon

A few years ago at the Daily Grill in Brentwood I was waiting at the valet for my car and there was Neil Simon waiting for his (a nicer one by the way). I mentioned to my kids, who were quite young then, that Mr. Simon was one of greatest writers in America and my son said, “Then how come we’ve never of him?” I laughed of course. Everyone knew who he was. Then.But now I wonder: how many...

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I had a bizarre dream last night

I was at some party and bumped into Allan Burns, one of the co-creators of THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW. It was the final year of the show (in my dream). I asked if David and I could write one of the last episodes. Our dream had always been to write a MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW. He was thrilled we wanted to do one. I guess in the altered world of my dream we had a track record (or I just have the...

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Lindsay Lohan describes her time in prison

There was an Academy Award winning documentary in the late 70s called SCARED STRAIGHT. Juvenile delinquents who were “too cool for school” received lectures from prison lifers on what it was really like in the joint. Needless to say, they scared the shit out of these cocky little guttersnipes. As a public service (and you know me – always a giver) I would like to do an updated version. I know...

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I miss TV theme songs

Yesterday's post was just a tease.There was an meme going around asking us bloggermeisters to list our favorite TV theme songs. And that got me thinking – I MISS TV THEME SONGS. I wrote about this before but the condition still exists so I'm writing about it again.Networks today, so deathly afraid of tune out, have all but eliminated theme songs and opening credits. They go by so fast you...

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Hawaii 5 0 -- then, now, and the one that didn't sell

CBS premieres a new version of HAWAII 5-0 this fall. Unlike most shows today, this one will have opening titles (albeit shorter) and a new version of the familiar Ventures stirring theme. You can preview it here. But first, the original 60s version and a rare version from a 1998 pilot that didn't sell.Which do you like be...

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"Even the school mascot has a gun"

I grew up in Woodland Hills, a middle class suburb of the San Fernando Valley. We were right next to Canoga Park. There was a big difference. Don't know who made this but it's hilarious. And boy does it bring back cherished memories. You'll excuse me if I get a little misty. I'm a but overwhelmed by nostalgia....

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Who do we see as Queen Elizabeth? Eliza Dunshku.

After Thursday’s Friday questions, here are Friday’s Friday questions. These have to do the dynamics of my partnership with David Isaacs. Who knew? An actual “theme”. Jonathan leads off:Do you write with an actor's/character's voice in mind, or is that something that emerges in rehearsal/shooting and is more a product of the actor and director?We generally do try to imagine a certain actor in...

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What do I think of HOT IN CLEVELAND and other questions?

I’m falling behind on questions so am tossing in a few extra days this summer to catch up.Max Clarke gets us started:Ken, what was the first time you got paid for writing something?In 1969 I was hired by KMPC radio to write sportscasts. They weren’t very funny, but then again they were paying minimum wage. I once got in trouble during a college football scoreboard report for writing “Texas A&am...

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Paula Abdul may be returning to AMERICAN IDOL

That's right, the Sarah Palin of reality television might be returning. That's the latest internet rumor. And you KNOW, if you hear about it on the internet it has to be true. What do you think about that? To help you decide, here's one of Paula's finest moments....

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One of the great scams of all-time

Continuing from yesterday, while furiously writing spec scripts at night with David, I got a day job at the KiiS Broadcasting Workshop – training young people to enter the exciting and stable world of radio.Today it would probably be called the KiiS Podcast Workshop.They did have a great gimmick however. The owner went to KiiS radio, a floundering AM station, and offered a partnership. The...

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Jobs before my writing jobs

Here’s another installment in how David Isaacs and I got started in the business. Comedy writing career launches are like snowflakes. No two are ever the same and most eventually turn grey.It’s the fall of 1974. I’m a disc jockey at KSEA San Diego, an FM top 40 powerhouse that is getting killed in the ratings by the airport traffic station. Our studios are in the bowels of a suburban...

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Open letter to AMERICAN IDOL producers

I’m sure hundreds of thousands of people are offering their suggestions on how to resurrect AMERICAN IDOL. So why listen to me? Simple. I produced AfterMASH.IDOL is very much at a crossroads. Last year was a disaster and you’ve lost the only real reason to watch the show, Simon Cowell. Trust me, people don’t tune in to see the 30th heavily tatted boring belter from Arkansas with a baby...

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The final total is....

Let's go to the tote board now where the cardboard cut out of Ed McMahon is standing by. The final total of new Twitter followers is...140,947!!!Okay. 112.But I appreciate each and every one. And you can still sign up. This was my first telethon and I learned a lot. The plate spinner killed me. And Lulu didn't help. Thanks to everyone who participated.Tomorrow morning: My open letter...

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The invasion of the TV critics

For the most part I’ve gotten along with TV critics. Okay, Tom Shales once blamed me personally for the downfall of television but he may have been right. Plus, in my capacity as blog wise-ass, I’ve done my own share of TV critiquing. So I have empathy for them. When some stink burger crosses my screen I can turn it off. They have to watch it…along with four additional episodes that are even...

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I've been saving the best for last!

Okay people. You've been enjoying this fine entertainment all day but have you picked up that computer and clicked on my Twitter link? No! What the fuck!! Do you think is easy? Do you think I like posting some new piece of shit entertainment every two hours? I haven't slept in three days!! What am I asking for here people? One click? One simple fucking goddman click? Are the people...

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How do I keep coming up with such stupendous entertainment?

My Twitter telethon continues. Hoping to get another 5,000 followers... this hour. Or at least gaining more people than I lose. Come on people. It's for a great cause -- me maybe getting something out of it. Just go here.In the meantime, the AMAZING entertainment continues!!!! Oh, will you laugh!! Here she is, funny lady extraordinaire!!! The high priestess of hilarity, Jessica Glassbe...

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My Twitter telethon presents another spectacular act

It's hard to believe there can be so much sizzling entertainment on one blog but all these incredible performers have come together for this oh-so worthy cause -- me gaining more Twitter followers. I especially thank the ones who are no longer alive (performers, not new followers).Like this incredible late entertainer. Give it up ladies and gentleman to the incomparable SENOR WENCE...

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You gotta have a plate spinner!!

Maybe this will finally entice people to follow me on Twitter. That's what this is all about. That's why all these great entertainers have lent their time and talent. I need more Twitter followers so I can maybe get a goddamn book deal. The staple of any telethon is the plate spinner. Ah, but this guy is not just ANY plate spinner. As astounding as it may seem, he can also build a small...

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The spectacular entertainment continues

Unfortunately, Ed McMahon is not around so there's no reason to have a tote board. But we're falling behind people. I've had actually more people drop out. This is the first telethon that lost money. Is that even possible? I'm trying to get enough new Twitter followers to at least be as popular as the guy who tweets knock-knock jokes.And while you're signing up, enjoy our fine entertainme...

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More stars than are in the heavens!!

Okay, I'm sure these telethons take awhile to really get going and I should not be discouraged that I've only added three new Twitter followers. But the dazzling entertainment continues. As blog reader Mark correctly proclaimed, there is no telethon without Joey Heatherton!! So here she is fellas, singing her greatest hit and using her greatest prop! You can sign up he...

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My telethon begins!!!

So I hear if you have a gazillion followers on Twitter you can get a book deal. And since I'm writing a book, I thought "hey, what can I do to attract new followers?" The answer is a simple. The blog equivalent to a Jerry Lewis telethon. So throughout the day I'll be chiming in with shameless pleas, pathetic begging, and browbeating. But I'll also be providing you with the kind of...

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Some things you wanted to know about CHEERS

A theme for today’s Friday questions: CHEERS.Steve asks a multi-parter:Many, many shows struggle with the issue of how to keep sexual tension between the leads without alienating fans annoyed with the "when will they do it?"question, or what to do once they finally do it.All these years later, what's your take on how Cheers handled the Sam & Diane relationship? What do you think would or should...

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Steve McPherson out at ABC -- what it means...to me

With the announcement Tuesday that Steve McPherson would be stepping down as head of the ABC Entertainment Group I got a few emails from friends asking how this would affect me? To answer, I’d have to go back through my history with ABC.The last time David and I sold a pilot to the alphabet network it was 1981. We’ve done two pilots for ABC. Neither was shot. One was a family comedy. T...

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Me & the Hells Angels

Here’s another chapter in my early checkered radio career. The first installment is here.1971 and I’m doing weeekends at KERN in Bakersfield. I was five at the time. (All TV writers older than twenty who hope to work lie about their age.) As mentioned before, the station was this shack out in the middle of nowhere. And since Bakersfield itself is in the middle of nowhere, the station is...

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Scenes from Comic Con

Comic-Con, the destination for everyone who ever got beaten up in high school. Or Day Care. One of my spies took these pictures this weekend. Thought you might enjoy this glimpse into the Apocalypse."Yes, I feel I'm very qualified to run for the senate. I was an intern for Barbara Boxer, I vaporized North Korea, and unlike my opponent, I can relate to the common man."Fuel Pump Man is back ...

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I hate Betty Draper!

I didn’t used to.She was one of my favorite MAD MEN characters season one. I loved that she shot the neighbors pigeons, and how ingeniously she got back at Don for being in cahoots with her therapist. (I’d say what that was but I’d get a hundred spoiler alert complaints even though it was three seasons ago. Netflix the DVD’s people!)I also felt sorry for her. She was this trapped 60s...

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Jon Miller

The Hall-of-Fame just got funnier. My former partner in Baltimore, Jon Miller gets inducted into Cooperstown today. Jon is currently the voice of the San Francisco Giants and ESPN Sunday Night Baseball. Yes, Vin Scully is the ultimate baseball broadcaster but Jon Miller is the best of anyone under 82.And the funniest.Not that there’s a whole lot of competition in that category. Especially...

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Pete Rose

Pete Rose is a former star major league baseball player who is the all-time leader in base hits. However, Rose threw everything away by gambling on baseball (and lying about it), thereby destroying his legacy and barring him from enshrinement in the prestigious Hall of Fame. Rose was born on April 14, 1941 in Cincinnati, OH. Sports were an important part of Rose's life during his youth. He...

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Summer in the "Nutmeg State"

Four years ago this summer I spent July and August in Connecticut. In case you're thinking of vacationing there, here's my travelogue.Back from five weeks in East Haddam, Ct. and nearby Chester, Ct. where the musical I’ve co-written, THE 60’s PROJECT (pictured above) is in production. My eternal gratitude to Michael Price and the super folks at the Goodspeed Theatre for their hospitality....

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Angie Dickinson: Good enough for JFK not CBS

Good grief! It’s Friday question day. Leave yours in the comment section. Thanks.YEKIMI gets us started:Was there ever anyone you wanted to use as a "guest star" on MASH [or other shows] but decided against it or the network decided against it because they felt they had been "overexposed"? [i.e.: too many apperances on other shows, etc.]Not that I can recall. Generally we try to avoid that...

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Blog spelling and punctuatio, or lack of same

When I can't think of an appropriate picture I always just use one of Natalie Wood.These posts would be so much eazier to write if I didn’t have to worry about spelling and punktuation. That was always one of the beauties of riting dialog. People don’t talk in grammatically correct sentences and who cares about the spellling because the audience is just hereing the words and not seeing dem....

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On the anniversary of Man landing on the moon...

Here's another taste of the book I'm writing on growing up in the 60s. It's July of 69. This is an event so monumental CBS pre-empted GREEN ACRES for it. There was even more reason to feel pride about being an American later that summer. We landed a man on the moon. Even Walter Cronkite choked up on CBS reporting it. The weekend of July 20th the entire nation was glued to their...

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Slipping inside jokes into shows

A reader’s question will sometimes spark an entire post and that’s the case today. Richard Y. wanted to know about inside references and jokes writers slip into shows. Did we do it on purpose? How often did we do it, etc.? He perceptively noticed that on an episode of WINGS, Steven Weber walks by a magazine rack that features an ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY with his likeness and real name on the...

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Let Steve Jobs determine YOUR sexual preference!!

Along with finding nearby Ethiopian restaurants and local weather you can now determine your sexual compatibility thanks to a nifty new app for iPhones, iPods, iPads, iAnything that starts with a P.The app is called BOINK (a term originated on CHEERS by the way. That and “pond scum” thank you very much.)You fill out a very detailed sexual survey then bump devices (already that sounds sordid)...

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The story behind the CHEERS Bar War episodes

I get a lot of questions about the “Bar Wars” episodes of CHEERS that my partner and I wrote. So here are the FAQ’s.Did we purposely plan for the Cheers gang to lose every time? Yes. Except for the last one. Frustration is much funnier than victory. The trick however, was to find different ways for them to lose – or screw themselves. Guess I grew up watching too many Road Runner cartoons.What...

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For FRASIER script fans...

Here's another of our scripts that has shown up on line. It's the FRASIER episode where Sam Malone from CHEERS visits. Also notable, the part of Sheila was played by Tea Leoni.You can access it he...

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Answering your TV questions...

....as I do every Friday.Let’s start with Matt:I have quite a few MASH scripts in my collection and in reading through them, none of writers indicate Stage 9 vs. Fox Ranch locations. How did the production staff decide which location to shoot scenes (aside from the obvious: EXT. CHOPPER PAD - DAY).The key factor was “time of year”. We could shoot exteriors of the Swamp and Mess Tent right on ...

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If Letterman's extortionist wins an Emmy, here's his speech

How does David Letterman feel? He was passed over for an Emmy and yet today comes word that Joe Halderman – the man who tried to extort him – is nominated. Halderman’s nominated for producing a segment of 48 HOURS.If he wins, I hope they let him out of prison for the night to accept the award and that he gets to give the speech. This is what I think it should be:Wow! I wasn’t expecting this....

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How to get back at the network censor

I applaud the Appeals Court for overturning the FCC's "Indecency" rule this week. So while this is a hot topic...Battles between show runners and network Standards & Practices (i.e. Censors – despite what their business cards say) are common. Personally, I never had a major run-in with them. They have been annoying and at times infuriating but that’s just part of the process. Most of the...

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My review of the All-Star Game

The Rally Monkey is off their back. In Angel Stadium, home of Rally Monkeys, thunder sticks, Splash Mountain fountains and other features that just wreak with baseball tradition, the National League beat the American League 3-1 for the first time since 1996. How long ago was that? The Ozone Layer was still fine. Blur was a big hit group. ALMOST PERFECT was even still on the air.But it was...

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My first radio job

I’m starting a new on-going series – tales from my early radio days. Along with Netflix picks, travelogues, Friday questions, excerpts from my 60s book, award reviews, movie previews, early tales of my writing career, and eulogies I’ll be sprinkling these chestnuts in from time to time.I always contend that the only way I got respect in radio was by getting out of it. There was no Billboard...

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Is Emmy a goddess or the whore from hell?

Congrats to all the Emmy nominees. It’s a wonderful recognition of your outstanding work.An Emmy can really help make a show a big hit. It sure helped CHEERS.However…“Emmy” can also be evil.She can also destroy a show. I’ve seen this before.MODERN FAMILY – beware! Emmy might be targeting you in particular for her treachery.Year one of a show – all the actors are one big happy family....

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This week in Tweets

This is the kind of crap I Tweet if you choose to follow me on Twitter.Saw Joe Biden's motorcade yesterday. Didn't realize it. 2 limos and lots of police. I thought it was Lindsay Lohan being taken to County.LeBron deciding where to go for dinner tonight. ESPN hour special begins in fifteen minutes.Ballplayer walk-up music is annoying. Mine would be "God Bless America". I would get a standing...

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From the Chutzpah Hall of Fame...

Here's another baseball post for people who don't like baseball. It's about one of the most outrageous characters I've ever met.This goes back to my minor league days. For the three years I broadcast in the minors for Syracuse and Tidewater. You meet a lot of colorful individuals on that circuit but none even close to the announcer for Louisville (who was replaced by a guy named Joe Buck)....

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A Woody Allen bit you've never seen before

Since Woody Allen seems to be a current topic on this blog I thought I'd share a great bit of his from the mid 60s. From time to time Woody would appear on CANDID CAMERA. For those who never heard of CANDID CAMERA, it's PUNKED but done in the 50s and 60s on CBS. Woody Allen participated in this segment. He's an executive hiring an unsuspecting secretary....

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LeBron is a disloyal a-hole...and Friday questions

Ready for some Friday questions besides why did LeBron pick Miami over the Cavs or Clippers?Mary Stella gets us started.This week's TV Guide says The Cosby Show single-handedly brought back the sit-com. Do you agree, disagree or . . .?I absolutely agree. In the early 80s there was a lot of talk that sitcoms were dead. Many sitcom writers were writing hour MAGNUM P.I. specs hoping to still stay...

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Women I love

Yes, it’s a direct ripoff of Esquire but I doubt if my choices match theirs.GINA BELLMAN – If you just watch her on LEVERAGE you won’t know that in the British version of COUPLING she was absolutely hilarious. Somehow can play both sexy and goofy at the same time. I don’t know how she does that.ELENA KAGAN – Handled the confirmation hearing with aplomb and humor and resisted the strong...

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Woody Allen's best six movies

The Times of London asked Woody Allen to list what he thought were his best six movies. His answer rather floored me.ZELIGPURPLE ROSE OF CAIROHUSBANDS AND WIVESVICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONABULLETS OVER BROADWAYMATCH POINTNow granted Woody Allen has made probably 200 movies. He pops them out like they were Pez tablets. And yes, a lot of them are God awful. It’s even harder to narrow those down...

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Netflix pick of the month: MEATBALLS

As we head into summer, here’s my favorite summer camp movie. This is no easy feat as there are probably 4,000 summer camp movies out there. WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER was a definite contender along with CAMP (the genre movie for the GLEE crowd). And for just a sheer summer romp, who could forget FRIDAY THE 13th?But my nod has to go to MEATBALLS from 1979. Primarily due to Bill Murray. It’s...

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The MASH characters today

Reader Bob Sommers wondered where the characters of MASH would be today? Since the Korean War was almost 60 years ago they'd probably all be dead. Super short blog post.But here’s the good news: through the miracle of reincarnation they have all come back and are with us here today.Frank Burns is now Glenn Beck.Radar O’Reilly is now Bill Gates.Hot Lips is now Faye Dunaway.Charles Winchester...

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What U.S. senator used to be a Mick Jagger impersonator?

Would love to see him do these moves on the senate flo...

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The 4th of July and Buster Keaton

When I was a kid growing up in Woodland Hills, California – a suburb in the San Fernando Valley we always had a July 4th parade. It was not very big. Zero floats. A few school marching bands all playing Stars & Stripes Forever and Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini, girls twirling batons (which proved to be more dangerous to crowds than today’s maple bats), local dignitaries (“Hey,...

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What celebrities are Tweeting right now...

As a way of thanking my Twitter followers, I scanned these Tweets so you don't have to.John Stamos | la-nycI love mexico! beautiful country, good 'family' people. off to mexican yoga- whatever that is. about 7 hours agoBarbara WaltersI am feeling great. about 1 month agoA month ago? I need an update for my chart. Paris HiltonWhat a fabulous day! Great game! Now back to the hotel for a nap ...

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The actual script for our first MASH

This turned out to be the most important script of our career. It was our first MASH ("Out of Sight/Out of Mind") and it really put us on the map. I'd say honestly that 90% of our writer's draft made it to this shooting script.So here it is, in its original form. You can read it here.Many thanks to friend of the blog, Matt Barnett for discovering and sharing this pdf fi...

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If I could write on any show...

Happy Indie Day. Here are some Friday questions to read in the Emergency Room if you’re planning on using home fireworks this weekend.Brian starts us off:What show past or present would you have loved to have written for and is there a show you would turn down?(if you were fortunately enough to be able to turn down work).I would have killed to have written for THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW. Also BI...

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Is King Tut's Penis Missing?

How's that for a grabber? Happy to say I'm a contributing columnist to the HuffingtonPost. I love when one of my articles is on the front page ahead of Bill Clinton's and Jamie Lee Curtiss'. Better than the rants are the headlines. These are ACTUAL HuffPost headlines from just yesterday. I imagine some are still up.Is King Tut's Penis Missing?Chinese Companies 'Renting' White PeopleAmazing...

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The National Anthem... and this goes for you too, Canada

A recent email I received from reader Corrine:I have a request.I think my favorite post of yours is The National Anthem. In fact, I dug it out last night to show a friend after a discussion on our Canadian Anthem last night. Though written for the US anthem, the sentiments could easily apply here as well.In honor of Canada Day, July 1st, (and, of course, the US celebrations July 4th) could you...

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My botched attempt at a summer romance

More from my growing up in the 60s in LA book. Take the Way-back machine to the summer of 69.I started going out with Rhonda. She lived in Philadelphia and was just out here staying with relatives, one of whom was my friend Jay. Might this be one of those “summer romances” where you meet, fall madly in love, she goes home in September, you’re heartbroken, you remember her always, she forg...

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Is it too weird to mourn the closing of a restaurant?

It’s not like you could argue that “it’s all for the best and it’s now gone to a better place”. If there is such a thing as heaven I imagine it’s pretty crowded already without closed restaurants and Montgomery Wards and muffler shops.But it’s sad just the same.Anna’s Italian restaurant on Pico Blvd. in West Los Angeles closed Sunday after 37 years of operation. The owners, Tony and Andy sold...

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the Ken Levine STAND IN LINE FOR YOU service!!

Today’s blog post is sponsored by… me.Announcing the….KEN LEVINE “STAND IN LINE FOR YOU” SERVICEFor only $1000 I will provide someone to stand in line for you. Just think – the next time Apple comes out with new ear buds you won’t have to stand in line from 4:00 AM just to buy them the first day! You’ve seen all those lines last week at Apple stores for the new iPhone. They stretched out...

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Auteur! Auteur!

I've directed shows I've co-written but this is the only episode I both wrote and directed myself. And it's just a short leap from an episode of BECKER to THE SEVENTH SEAL. So enjoy some of my "early" wo...

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You had to be there and I was

This is a historic weekend at Dodger Stadium. Thanks to interleague play the New York Yankees are in town to the play the Dodgers. Joe Torre is facing the team he took to the playoffs twelve straight years and was basically showed the door. And some of the players on both teams were actually alive when the Dodgers & Yankees met last in the World Series in 1981. It's a circus, there's no...

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What to avoid in an agent

It’s Friday Question Day. I’m thinking of starting a restaurant -- TGIFridayQD. What do you think?Dana Gabbard gets us started:What should a newcomer look for in an agent? And what should raise alarm bells to avoid one?I’ll answer the second part first. It’s hard for new writers to be choosy. Getting any agent is not easy. But if the agent wants money from you up front, if the agent wants...

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Our spec MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW

Yesterday I discussed the process David Isaacs and I employed to come up with the story for our MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW spec. This is what we arrived at:In the first scene we’re in the WJM newsroom. We establish that Murray is unhappy and unappreciated. Things get worse when Lou comes out of his office and chews Murray out for something. Things escalate. An uncomfortable Mary is in the...

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Writing our first real script

Here’s another chapter on how David Isaacs and I began our ersatz career. In the last installment I explained how we wrote a pilot together despite neither of us having the faintest idea how to do that. You can read that post here. To the surprise of no one (even us) the pilot didn’t sell.But it did attract the attention of an agent at a very small firm. Okay, it was just her and a telepho...

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My trip to Boston: Manny Happy Returns

My long weekend in Boston actually began Thursday night in Los Angeles. The Lakers just beat the Celtics to win the NBA Finals and those classy Laker fans celebrated by setting cars on fire, running onto the freeway, and climbing up to the Metroline rails (those last two activities I approve of; fewer Laker fans for next time). So the freeway leading to the airport was snarled at 10:30 at...

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For the first time in 27 years: Watch the Lost CHEERS

Flew home on the redeye with the Dodgers after the Sunday night ESPN game in Boston. So as you read this I’ll be asleep (even if you don’t get to it until Thursday).For several years I've been talking about the "Lost" CHEERS scene. David and I wrote it for the 1983 Super Bowl Pre-game show to promote our fledgling series. They ran it just before game time and it was seen by 80,000,000 peop...

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Happy Father's Day

On this Father’s Day (the most sacred holiday of the year) I’d like to wish a happy one to my dad, who also happens to be my hero, mentor, and best friend. I love you, dad. I'm spending this Father's Day at Fenway Park with my son. How cool is that?Here are some pithy Father’s Day quotes:“To be a successful father… there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first...

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Mr. Special Effects

Here’s a Friday question on Saturday. Joe Pontillo wonders:Does David Isaacs have a blog? And if not, why don't we ever hear from him in guest posts on this blog? David doesn’t have a blog. Trust me, he’d be telling you the exact same crap that I am. But he has guest blogged and it’s worth a reprise. He wrote one of my favorite posts of all-time, Mr. Special Effects. Here's the set up and...

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Friday questions

Hello from Boston where I survived the Redeye and I’m with the Dodgers for their big weekend series with the Red Sox. Manny Ramirez says hello to everybody, by the way. Here are some Friday questions from the home of Cheers.LouOCNY gets it started.My question is this: I recently saw a BECKER episode you directed where Gilbert Gottfried played a doctor even MORE obnoxious than Becker. The...

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I hate Redeyes!

I’m one of those unlucky people who can’t sleep on planes. So I avoid Redeye flights whenever I can. Tonight, however I have to take one to Boston. There are no evening flights out of Los Angeles that don’t ask you to change planes in Dallas, Chicago, and Bogotá. You leave six hours earlier but still arrive two hours later and your luggage catches up to you Thursday. So I’m on the Redeye....

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