What's the frequency, Kenneth? Radio ramblings

Some thoughts on that medium that everyone says is obsolete but listens to anyway…

KGIL, an AM station in the San Fernando Valley is changing its format from “Standards” (i.e. Sinatra and maybe one Peggy Lee record a week) to “Classical”. With all the technology and improved fidelity these days, who’s going to listen to Classical Music on AM? That’s like watching AVATAR on 16 mm.

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Mariah Carey's "miracle" pregnancy

Thank God for the internet! Otherwise, how could we keep up with the minute to minute updates on Mariah Carey’s pregnancy?   Can I ask a question?

Who the fuck cares?!

I can’t open a news page without some new screaming headline regarding Mariah Carey’s motherly way. She’s having contractions! EXTRA EXTRA! She’s been admitted to the hospital! BULLETIN! She’s not having contractions!

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Dancing with the Stars

With Kirstie Alley competing on DANCING WITH THE STARS, I had to revisit the show. First off, she’s way better than John Ratzenberger.

Here are my other thoughts:

Elizabeth Taylor was a STAR. I wouldn’t qualify a wrestler, football player, DJ, swimsuit model, talk show host, Disney Channel actress, rapper, ex-boxer, Karate Kid, diet spokesperson, and sex tape exhibitionist as a “star”.

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Razing Arizona -- my week in the desert

Back from a week in Arizona for spring training where I made my broadcasting debut for the Mariners. Came fully prepared. Scouting reports, team media guides, citizenship papers in case I got too tan. If you can get past Arizona’s blatant racial profiling and shooting rampages, it really is lovely in the spring.

Phoenix airport car renters beware: Allow yourself and entire extra day.

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How to REALLY knock off the Bellagio

OCEAN'S ELEVEN-type movies have done great at the boxoffice.  Even OCEAN'S THIRTEEN made money and that was awful.  Audiences love glitzy caper movies even if the capers are completely ridiculous. A couple of years ago my writing partner David and I wrote a pilot for Fox called ODDS about an all-night diner just off the Vegas strip that catered exclusively to the locals. One of our running bits

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Blow in her face and she'll follow you anywhere

As I continue in Phoenix calling Mariners' games (12:55 today on 710 ESPN in Seattle and MLB.COM), thought you might enjoy these actual magazine ads from Don Draper's day.   Noted without comment except to say, JESUS EFFIN' CHRIST!!?"

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Friday questions about pilots, CHEERS, and where to live in LA

Hello from Arizona, where it turns out it’s Friday here, too. So here are some Friday questions.

Crouch_P gets us started. 

When writing a pilot, do you include a character and set list, and if so, are these generally considered to be part of the page count?
Depending on the project, yes to character descriptions, no to set lists. If you do character descriptions, make them very brief – two

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Elizabeth Taylor

In 1992, David Isaacs and I wrote the episode of CHEERS where Cliff writes a joke that gets on THE TONIGHT SHOW.  Miraculously, Johnny Carson agreed to do it.  The plan was to tape our segments on the TONIGHT SHOW set following a taping.  The audience was invited to just stick around and I don't think a single member left. 

You're saying, "Yeah yeah, isn't this supposed to be about Elizabeth

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What will they think of next?

It was only a matter of time. We have wedding planners, party planners, cuisine consultants, and life coaches, why not funeral planners?

That day has come. Shiva Sisters is here!

Shiva Sisters is (in their words) a full service company, which lightens the burden for those who have lost a loved one. Our company creates meaningful receptions, shivas and memorials.

This is a service

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And the ants take the field!

I’m here in Arizona about to broadcast my first game for the Seattle Mariners tonight. I have my stat sheet, binoculars, and late night reservations to that restaurant that has the inebriated women and mechanical bull. A question I’m always asked is how did I get into baseball announcing? I mean, it’s not the logical progression from comedy writing.

Ever since I first heard Vin Scully I

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The Adjustment Bureau -- review

 NO SPOILER ALERT NECESSARY
I admit it, I’m a sucker for a good sci-fi/thriller/romcom. You just don’t see enough of them. Okay, you don’t see any. But THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU is all that maybe a little action/noir/fantasy to boot.

As long as you turn your suspension-of-belief dial way up into MEN IN BLACK II country, you’ll have fun with this movie. There are all the logic problems

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Has-been Apprentice

Maybe the saddest show in the history of television is CELEBRITY APPRENTICE. This is entertainment on the same level as watching a dog try to eat a caramel. We see F-list celebrities so desperate to remain in the public eye that they subject themselves to nationwide humiliation. Any trace of dignity these people once had they gladly forfeit to be on television. Now granted, in some cases

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Extras! Extras! Read all about them!

I should probably save this for Friday but a reader wanted to know if extras talked softly and if so is it distracting to the main cast?

The extras don’t talk. They just mouth conversations. The background hub bub is added later in post production. If they did talk it would be (a) distracting, (b) hard to match takes when we edit back and forth between takes, (c) they would have to be paid, and

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I'm no longer "Mr."

They’ve finally removed the “Mr.”. If you went to the Amazon page to buy my paperback (which you definitely should, by the way – it’s only $6.99 and tells you which city in America has the most sex), I was listed as “Mr. Ken Levine”. I have no idea why. It made me seem like such a diva – the male equivalent of “Miss Diana Ross”. The message it sends is this guy takes himself reeeeally

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Reducing humor to an equation

Came across this recently from my Chicago friend, Lyle Dean.   No one has been able to accurately define just why something is funny.  Up until now!  Funny man Alastair Clarke has broken the code.  Throw away that seltzer bottle.  Grab a probability calculator!  Here, for the first time ever, is THE SECRET OF COMEDY.
A new theory suggests an equation for identifying the cause and level of our

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Why do shows that were once good now suck?

Ready for some Friday questions?

lansing asks:

Do writers on a long-term show perceive when the quality of a program is in decline? A substantial decline in ratings makes this obvious to everyone. However, a ratings decline can substantially lag a quality decline.
Well, first of all, if I’m a show creator, that’s a problem I’d be happy to have.  By the time we jump the shark I'll be in Hawaii.

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My favorite location spotting story

Yesterday’s post on location shooting unlocked a lot of memories for a lot of people. Thanks for sharing yours. I have one more story. This is my favorite.

There’s a large indoor shopping mall in West Los Angeles called the Beverly Center. Along with chain stores and a bad food court is a multi-plex theater. One afternoon, with nothing to do, Sam Simon (co-creator of THE SIMPSONS) and I

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Hey, there's a portion of my car on national TV!!!

In the first year of CHEERS, they still edited the show on film (later they would transfer the film to tape and edit digitally). One time my partner, David and I were asked to go over to editing and check something out. We walked across the lot to the building where our editors were located, trudged up the stairs, glanced out the big window that greeted us at the top of the stairs, and we

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The paperback is again available

Once again you can order the paperback of my book, WHERE THE HELL AM I?  TRIPS I HAVE SURVIVED by clicking here.   The price remains a ridiculously low $6.99 and if we ever meet I'll autograph it for you, which will reduce its value even more.   Sorry for the one-day delay. 

Just got off the phone with Chaucer who told me these things happen.  He also told me to include all the blurbs I've

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The AMC pilot "Bake-Off"

I’m changing my advice to aspiring writers.

I’m always asked what’s the best advice I can give them and up until now I’ve said just continue to write. Study English. Read scripts. Analyze scripts. Learn dramatic structure.  But most of all, keep churning out material.

That stuff is still important, but it seems today, equally or even more important is becoming a good salesman.

AMC

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My book is now available in paperback

WHERE THE HELL AM I?  TRIPS I HAVE SURVIVED is now available in "handsome" paperback form.  I'm pricing it ridiculously cheap.  I'm not going to make a fortune anyway so why not make it more attractive for people to buy?  It's only $6.99.  Seriously.  That's all.  Here's where you order.  And remember, it makes a great gift and Christmas is coming up. 

UPDATE:  Out of stock for the moment. 

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If you thought Don Draper was good...

I’m always looking for effective ways of selling my book. (By the way, it’s gotten great reviews, it’s very funny, and the ebook costs only $2.99. What are you waiting for??? Order it here for Kindle, here for the Nook, here for everywhere else. And the paperback has just come out.  It's only $6.99 and you can order that here.  

But when I think of great salesmen, one name immediately comes

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Open letter to anyone producing a sitcom pilot

For those of you lucky (or unlucky) enough to have your pilot ordered you are now in the toughest part of the process – casting. These are the most crucial decisions you will ever have to make on your project. Everything else can be fixed. Scripts can be rewritten, scenes re-shot, set dressing changed. Even your premise can be altered. But if your actors suck you are dead.

The only thing worse

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N is for Nude Beaches

Thanks to everyone who has bought my book.  As you can see, I'm doing really well in these categories.  You can order yours by clicking on cover icon on the right or just clicking here.
 
Now I'm really proud to be the number one selling travel book about Santa Barbara because let's face it, there must be millions of them.  You're probably thinking, so what does Ken's book have that no other

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Who says Hollywood only cares about itself?

Our hearts go out to everyone in Japan and everyone affected by the residual tsunamis.  The headlines and on-line videos have been heartbreaking and horrifying.  And then I went to one of those Hollywood industry sites.  Their big story was that production on HAWAII 5-0 did not have to shut down.  They had no shots near the shore so they were able to continue filming as planned.

All I can say

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Was MASH ever asked to change its title?

It’s March 11th. To celebrate the Meiji Japanese government officially annexing the Ryukyu Kingdom in 1872, here are some Friday questions:

John starts it off:

Back in the 1960s and early 70s, I remember shows that went into daytime/evening re-runs while still showing on network were usually renamed, under the idea that the public was too dumb to figure out the difference between a

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AMERICAN IDOL: Top 13

What a love fest on AMERICAN IDOL. According to these impartial judges – who have no vested interest in hyping the singers to stave off eroding ratings – this year’s Top 13 is the greatest collection of young talent ever assembled on one stage.  They're good (a lot of them) but yikes.  You'd think they poop silver dollars. 

Jennifer and Steven may have their charms but gone is the reality

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Time called as the FBI goes out to arrest the right fielder

I always have to do a disclaimer when I do a baseball-related post.  THIS IS EVEN INTENDED FOR YOU NON-BASEBALL FANS. 


Spring training is in full swing. Those Grapefruit and Cactus League races are really heating up. Some crucial split-squad games are this week. Check your local listings. I’ll be heading to Arizona very soon to begin broadcasting for the Seattle Mariners. I can’t wait.

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Writing room etiquette

There was a lot of controversy surrounding my post of last Thursday – what was really going on behind closed doors in writers rooms with reference to Charlie Sheen. Some thought it was offensive and I was insensitive for posting it. Others understood that I was merely showing what actually happens. A few just liked the jokes. I’m sure others didn’t have problems with any of that, just didn’t

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I need your help to get on the NY Times Best Seller List

Okay, it's finally here! 

I was hoping for the same hysteria that greeted a new HARRY POTTER novel but now I'll be happy if you just buy it. WHERE THE HELL AM I?  TRIPS I HAVE SURVIVED, by your humble blogger is now available on Kindle and various other ebook formats (like Sony). 

UPDATE:  The Nook version is now available.  Just go here.
The paperback will be out shortly. 

So what is this?

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Are you taking a meeting? READ THIS FIRST!

This is a short one but maybe the most valuable advice I have given since don't park in Les Moonves' space. When you are lucky enough to get a meeting with a producer or story editor or writer or agent or executive… always ALWAYS…

GOOGLE THEM BEFORE THE MEETING!
Now that we have such a thing, it is inexcusable to go into a meeting not knowing exactly who the person is and what he has done. Maybe

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Why I'll never be a judge on AMERICAN IDOL

Watching the twelve semi-finalist girls on AMERICAN IDOL earlier this week I was struck by how similar they were.  Big voices all doing Maria Carey and Alicia Keys.  Ya need someone to belt out a power ballad?   Ya need someone to show off and do useless runs in the middle of songs for no reason?  These are your gals.  The judges fawn all over them while I just shake my head.   Not only are these

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Brandon Tartikoff

Taking a break from all of yesterday's controvery, here are a few Friday Questions and Answers.
ajjjj begins:

What do managers do, and is it worth it to have one or submit to them when you're starting out?
Generally they make out the line-up, decide on the pitching rotation and… oh, you mean that kind of manager. Sorry. My head is into spring training.

In theory, a manager has just a few

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What they're saying in writing rooms all over town about Charlie Sheen

DISCLAIMER: What I am illustrating in this post is the type of thing that goes on in writers rooms.  If this is a sensitive subject to you I completely understand.  Don't read this.  Come back tomorrow.  Commenters are making it seem I'm personally attacking Charlie Sheen.  No.  I'm letting you inside the process.  One of my objectives with this blog is to do just that.  There are not many that

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I actually received this stupid note

This is one of those “what’s one of the stupidest notes you’ve ever gotten?” posts.

In the late ‘90s I was directing a sitcom that starred the junior senator from Minnesota. At the time, he was just Al Franken. When I see him on CNN acting very senatorial, it’s odd to think that at one time I was telling him, “stand over there”. But he was a pleasure to work with and very funny. I’m

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Shahrukh Khan

Shahrukh Khan (Hindi: शाहरुख़ ख़ान; born 2 November 1965), often    
credited as Shah Rukh Khan, is an Indian film actor, producer and
television host. Often referred to as "the King of Bollywood", Khan has
acted in over 70 Hindi films.

Born	2 November 1965 (age 46) New Delhi, India
Residence	Mumbai, Maharashtra, India
Other names	Shah Rukh Khan, King Khan, SRK, The Baadshah of Bollywood.
Occupation	Actor, producer, television presenter
Years active	1988–present
Spouse	Gauri Khan (1991–present)

   

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My final Oscar thoughts (for this year)

The Motion Picture Academy has got to figure out what it wants. Trying to straddle the line between stature and hip isn’t working. The end result is that is the show is COP ROCK. You can’t have it both ways.

You can’t have Justin Timberlake make “Banksy” jokes one minute and cart out Kirk Douglas the next. You can’t do a tribute to Lena Horne and let Gwyneth Paltrow anywhere near an

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