My 2011 Oscar Review

What does it say when a man who is 94 years-old and recovering from a stroke is funnier than any Oscar host for the last fifteen years? Kirk Douglas and Melissa Leo’s f-bomb were the two highlights of the 83rd annual Academy Awards.

It was also the most suspenseful Oscarcast in fifteen years. At least at my house where the power kept going out. As for the awards themselves, there were zero

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Relive your favorite snarky Oscar moments of the past

Tonight's the big night. My annual review follows tomorrow. But to get you in the mood, here are some snippets from my Oscar reviews over the last few years. Yes, I know. Mee-ow.
First things first – the red carpet shows. Several channels covered it but for sheer obsequiousness and stupidity you can’t beat Channel 5 with the publicists’ best bitch, Sam Rubin and some anorexic named Jessica

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Charlie Sheen shopping tell-all book

According to TMZ (so it must be right), Charlie Sheen is shopping a behind-the-scenes look at TWO AND A HALF MEN and opening the bidding at ten mil.  What are we gonna learn, that Chuck Lorre didn't laugh enough at runthroughs or that Holland Taylor chews with her mouth open?   I know... I'm just jealous because his book will sell a helluva lot more than my upcoming travel book (exciting news on

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My first Oscar review

As per the previous post, here's the text of my first Oscar review, meant originally to be seen by like fifty people.  It has grown in length, attempts at humor, and audience over the years. 
Whoopi Goldberg was the Medusa but without M's good fashion sense.

Roberto Bergnini is the cute funny new little pet that Hollywood has adopted. First time he pees on the carpet they will kick him and

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It all started with the Oscars

SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE had just beaten SAVING PRIVATE RYAN for film of the year. Steven Spielberg, who had already won Oscars for SCHINDLER’S LIST in every category except Best Animated Short was really pissed. And this was mere moments after he won another Oscar for directing SAVING PRIVATE RYAN (which was very well deserved, by the way). I thought it was a little ungracious. So I decided to write

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My take on Charlie Sheen

This is the Friday question I've gotten from about fifty people over the last three hours.  What is my take on the whole Charlie Sheen/CBS debacle.  The latest development is that CBS and Warner Brothers have discontinued production on TWO AND A HALF MEN for the remainder of this season.  And who knows if it'll ever return?  My thoughts...

There’s a great movie from 1957 called FACE IN THE CROWD

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AMERICAN IDOL: Oh no! Is this the end of Jennifer???

How hard is it to be a writer for AMERICAN IDOL? Just lift the narration from THE SORROW AND THE PITY, begin every sentence with “Coming up…” and change “death camp” to “singing competition”. But the rest is all there – the ultimate challenges, the heartbreak, the tears, the uncertainty. C’mon, IDOL writers, they’re just singing friggin’ Beatles medleys!

This brings me back to my biggest

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Handicapping the Best Picture Oscar nominees

Again this year I will be reviewing the Oscars for this blog. It’ll be up first thing Monday morning, long after people even remember that SALT was nominated for anything. To get you in the mood, here’s my thoughts on the Best Picture category.
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WHY IT WILL WIN – Turning a bunch of nerds typing on computers into an engrossing and entertaining film is no easy feat. Through

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More pilot writing advice

My post on pilots last week generated a lot of comments and questions. One reader astutely noted that a lot pilots, like THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW have their main character get a job in the first episode. This is called a “Premise Pilot”.

There are several advantages to Premise Pilots. You have a built-in story and you need a minimum of exposition. HOT IN CLEVELAND. In the pilot we

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Great series of classes at the WGA

If you're an aspiring writer, or even a working writer, there is a great class presented by the WGA called Anatomy of a Script.  Hosted by Robin Schiff (Romy & Michele's High School Reunion) and Winnie Holtzman (My So Called Life, Wicked), one top writer a night is interviewed.  A specific work of theirs is discussed from inception through finished product. It's mostly about process -- how they

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A former U.S. President is today's guest blogger

Hello. In honor of President’s Day, one of Ken’s favorite holidays, he asked me to be a guest blogger. Of course I said yes. Not like I was busy. I haven’t done anything for 125 years.

For those who don’t know me, I’m Chester A. Arthur. I was the 21st President of the United States. No, seriously. I was. Go to Wikipedia, look it up yourself.

Don’t feel bad if you don’t remember. You’

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Wow, I was way off

I predicted the final score of the NBA All-Star Game to be 149-147.  It was 148-143.  I guess there was some defense after all.  The hometown player usually wins the MVP.  This year's MVP was Kobe Bryant.  Let the after parties begin.  But stay out of the Playboy Mansion guys.

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Randy Quaid

Randy Quaid is an actor perhaps best known for portraying quirky characters such as "Cousin Eddie" in the Vacation movies. There is no doubt that Quaid's entertainment career has been a tremendous success - he has appeared in more than 90 movies since the 1970s. However, Quaid is undoubtedly a washed-up celebrity because his personal life is in shambles, resulting in the recent decision of he

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The NBA All-Star Game -- what a joke

Tonight’s the NBA All-Star Game, held this year in Los Angeles. There are something like 85 teams in the NBA, which is why it’s been seven whole years since the last NBA All-Star Game in Los Angeles. In Major League baseball, where they truly do rotate the honor around, Los Angeles last hosted an All-Star Game in 1980.

But the NBA doesn’t give a shit about rewarding its local fans in

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The record offer you can not pass up

In the '70s, one of the big mail order products was compilation albums. A company named K-Tell advertised constantly on late night TV, hawking their oldies albums. Mr. Great Big Radio put together a brilliant parody. Get out your credit card and be ready to call.

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What's the craziest storyline ever pitched to CHEERS?

First off, happy birthday to my lovely child bride, Debby. This has been a month long celebration but today is the actual day. Many many more, kiddo!
Time to answer some questions and debunk some myths.

Ed starts us off with a doozy.

What was the craziest storyline the Cheers writers actually considered as a story arc? Cliff/Carla romance/love child? Norm working his way to the top of

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What not to do when writing a pilot

Mitch Hurwitz, the creator of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT and RUNNING WILDE wrote a somewhat facetious article for guardian.co.uk on how to get a sitcom cancelled. He brings out some good points like have a confusing title, hint at incest (always a crowd pleaser), offend minority groups, and not use guest star Liza Minnelli to her full advantage. These are all true, but there’s an added factor he

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Rapidly see CEDAR RAPIDS

Went out to see a movie this past weekend. Since it was a comedy, all of the previews were also comedies. The first was about two slackers on a road trip (only the 1000th time that premise has been used) who befriend an alien from outer space. Lots of car crashes, mayhem, tepid one-liners, and the alien speaking jive. Ha ha.  Then a movie about dufus husbands who are allowed a week off to

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Licensing music for sitcoms -- get out your checkbook

Sometimes a reader’s question requires a whole post to answer. This one is from Charlotte.

M*A*S*H provided my first acquaintance with songs like "You're the Top" and "Stormy Weather". I've always heard how expensive it is to license music or even just a song's lyrics for use in a TV show. Were you & the other M*A*S*H writers ever constrained by the cost of music/lyrics? Did you ever put

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Happy Valentine's Day... I guess

This has never been one of my favorite holidays.  It's a day of forced sentiment and horribly over-priced fixed menus.  Also, it's my birthday.  I have generally not had good luck on my birthday.

Here's what happened one year when I was invited to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit party.  You'd think that would be a great night, wouldn't you?  I met Beyonce.  I posed with Brooklyn Decker.  And

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My life from A-Z

One of those dumb personal quizzes circulating the net. I'm admitting things here even my shrink doesn't know. Of course, he doesn't care.

• A-Available/Single? Not according to my wife
• B-Best Friend? My partner. I'd be a lot poorer emotionally and financially without him.
• C-Cake or Pie? I'll have to go with Elvis and say cake.
• D-Drink Of Choice? Makers & ginger ale but only after 7 a.m.

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More Bad Remakes

Just to follow up today’s post on ARTHUR. For every good TRUE GRIT remake, there seems to be ten bad ones. A reader pointed out MY MAN GODFREY reboot. Off the top of my head, here are a few more. Feel free to add to the list.
THE HEARTBREAK KID
SABRINA
ALFIE
THE JAZZ SINGER (Not Neil Diamond’s best work)
PSYCHO
LOLITA
THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE
PLANET OF THE APES
KING KONG (all nine versions)

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The one movie I will NEVER see

Fans of this blog know how much I love the movie ARTHUR.   Written and directed by the brilliant Steve Gordon, it's a romantic comedy that's actually both.   If you haven't seen it, let that be your Valentine's Day movie.

Hollywood, in its relentless quest to avoid originality for sequels and franchises and remakes is releasing a new version of ARTHUR starring Russell Brand.   Why??   Judging by

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Network interference

TGIQAAD – Thank God it’s Questions and Answers Day.
From Jim S:

I am curious about how decisions are made and you've written extensively on how some, not all, networks suits can make the process of creating a new show every week difficult with their "helpful" suggestions.
I wonder about the other side of the coin. What happens when a showrunner gets a vision of a successful show that just

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CBS vs. the Smothers Brothers

Here's another excerpt from the book I'm writing about growing up in the '60s. Hopefully, I'll be finished sometime mid-year. The drugs are starting to take effect and I'm beginning to remember 1969 again. But this is an entry from 1967.  It gives a little TV history.
THE SMOTHERS BROTHERS COMEDY HOUR premiered on CBS. Tommy and Dick Smothers rose from the folk music ranks but with a spin

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I am leaving Dodger Talk

Due to too many conflicts with my Mariners' schedule, I will be stepping down as co-host of Dodger Talk on KABC.  It just isn't fair to the Dodgers or listeners to be gone as much as I would be.  However, there's a strong likelihood that I will continue to contribute to Dodger Talk -- features and whatnot -- so I'm not totally gone.

Leaving is bittersweet.  I will miss a lot of things, but most

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My most difficult character to write for

Recently I spoke at a UCLA writing class and a student asked, “Of all the shows you’ve worked on, which character was the most difficult to write?” I had to really think. Finally, the answer I gave was Fay from WINGS.


But first, understand that I love the actress who played her, Rebecca Schull. She’s both a wonderful person and actor and did a remarkable job with what she had to work with.

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Natalie Portman deserves better

I recently re-watched ANNIE HALL. It was the best free movie that ON DEMAND was offering that night. (Seriously guys, we need a better selection. If I didn’t know better I’d think you were just offering shitty free movies so we’d be forced to pay for a better one.) But ANNIE HALL is one of my favorite flicks. I even recommended it once.

What struck me about it this time was this: It

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Jack Popejoy

So sorry to hear today that Jack Popejoy passed away. Jack was the morning news anchor on KNX radio in Los Angeles, after holding down that position for rival KFWB for years and years.

I’ve known Jack for forty years. We were in the same Army Reserve unit together. In today’s post I tell a story about being in Army summer camp. Jack was there.

He was truly one of the nicest and

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Writing our first script... at Fort Ord.

It’s one thing to get a break, but it’s another to take advantage of it. If you’re lucky enough to get your first script assignment it really behooves you to hit it out of the park. A possible staff job could be yours if your script impresses the powers-that-be. And your agent will have a much easier time getting you more work with a killer script that’s been produced. All of a sudden you

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My favorite Super Bowl commercials

Not a lot of great ones to choose from, that's for sure.  And there was the added distraction of a sensational football game, but here are few I liked:

The HOUSE Mean Joe Green commercial parody.

The Tim Hutton Tibet Groupon spot.

And the little Darth Vader for some car commercial.

The sitcom montage was kind of interesting but I had no idea what it was for, and I don't think I get royalties

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The "Lost" CHEERS scene

This is one of my annual blog traditions.


For several years I've been talking about the "Lost" CHEERS scene. David and I wrote it for the 1983 Super Bowl Pre-game show to promote our fledgling series. They ran it just before game time and it was seen by 80,000,000 people. Nothing we've ever written before or since has been seen by that many eyeballs at one time. But the scene was never

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What not to wear at a music awards show

I saw recently where Don Kirschner passed away.  Kirschner was a huge record publisher in the '60s Brill Building era and later he became a celebrity, a la the Donald Trump of popular music.  I never met him personally, but I have a story that relates to him. 

In the late '70s my partner and I were writing a pilot for the very flamboyant film producer, Alan Carr.  He had just produced the film

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Did anyone get the license to that car?

To help get you in the mood for Super Bowl weekend, here are some Friday questions.

We start with Brad:

My favorite CHEERS mystery: Why did that station wagon drive by the bar every week for eleven years?
Seriously, almost every episode, a stock exterior shot was used with a station wagon passing by the bar while the same people walked by. The shot was also used at the beginning of the

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Why I hated COMPANY MEN

There are many little reasons but one big one. Now before I go any further I should, in fairness, state that a lot of critics liked it. ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY gave it an A. I generally agree with EW, but in this case I can only assume that the studio gave them a print of THE GODFATHER and just slapped the COMPANY MEN title on it. An A? Really?

The point of this post is not to just rip a

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Random thoughts

... or Attention Deficit Blogging.  

My blog traffic has plummeted since they closed down the internet in Egypt.


Sorry to see the Mystery Bookstore close in Westwood. E-books are killing the bookstore industry. Now I feel even more guilty that I have an e-book of my own coming out in the next few weeks.

They held a last hurrah reception at the Mystery Bookstore Monday night and I got to

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Adventures in bad taste

From time to time I like to look back at my misguided, mercifully-brief radio career as a screaming Top 40 disc jockey in the ‘70s. Today’s stop on the road – KNTQ, Los Angeles. The New TenQ.

It’s late 1976. My partner, David, and I are head writers of MASH. I get a call from Jimi Fox, a radio colleague who worked with me in San Diego. At the time, Jimi had the distinction of having the

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