Do I Know how to read women, or what???

A few years ago I went to see a rather unusual play called TAMARA. The theater is actually a mansion and the audience follows around the various cast members as they perform their scenes simultaneously in different rooms. The idea is to attend with a few people and each person follows someone else. Then at intermission you get together and catch everybody up. I know. It’s a lot of work. And

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Only in L.A.

We’ve come a long way since the LA TIMES’ Marc C. Bloom tire ads and J. C. Penney white sale announcements. Here in Los Angeles we have the LA WEEKLY. Check out some of these ads.Dr. Pam Mirabaldi offers Vaginal Rejuvenation for only $2500! (Does one choose from various styles? Where can I get a catalog?)On your next lunch break, instead of hitting Quiznos, stop by Epione for a “one hour face

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My favorite album cover

Here’s what I miss most about vinyl records – album covers. Often the album cover design and artwork would be far better than the contents of the album. I worked in a record store in high school and saw thousands of them. Many people contend that SGT. PEPPERS LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND was the best album cover ever. I disagree. It was pretty great but this is the one that knocked me out. I

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The funniest car commercial I've ever seen

Back in the 60s, local car dealers were ever-present. In LA we had a guy named Ralph Williams. Johnny Carson used to make fun of him on the TONIGHT SHOW mercilessly. Before Ralph was in LA he had a car dealership in San Bruno, in Northern California. You talk about commercials "you'd like to see", this is greatest of them all. Chick Lambert is the eloquent pitchman.

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Weekend recommendation

Boycott the Mel Gibson movie. Do anything else. Watch the Pro Bowl if you're really desperate. Even rent IT'S COMPLICATED -- that's how much I want you to avoid EDGE OF DARKNESS starring Jew hater/drunk/adulterer/medocre-actor-anyway Mel Gibson. Send a message that character and behavior counts -- even for celebrities. See EXTRAORDINARY MEASURES even if it's sappy and you know the ending.

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I got my first fashion question...EVER

Here are this week's Friday questions and questionable answers.Paul has a fashion question (boy, did he come to the wrong place):A style question for you...Hip, Hollywood types (guys) -screenwriters,producers,agents-prefer a standard dress style: dark sport jacket,dress shirt, and jeans.I'm curious about the sports jacket. Do you know where screenwriters and agents shop for their sport jackets?

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Why I can't see AVATAR

I still haven’t seen AVATAR. I’ve heard mixed reviews but the general consensus among my jaded circle of friends is that it’s basically a B-Western but the effects are extraordinary. And you must see it in 3-D.Uh, that poses a problem for me.Normally I can’t see in 3-D. Whatever the medical name is my eyes just won’t make that buy. In PC terms I guess I’m optic trickery challenged. This

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TWO AND A HALF MEN -- Two restraining orders and a hit man

If you’re a showrunner it seems there’s always something. Either it’s meddling executives, or a rough cut that still needs work, or an actor arrested for assaulting his wife, or the most common nuisance – a actor thinking there’s a hit man out there to kill him.Welcome to the happy set of TWO AND A HALF MEN. Charlie Sheen might have to miss a rehearsal or two for his domestic violence trial. It

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The Big Kahuna

The Big Kahuna died on Sunday. For us kids who grew up in LA in the 60s, so did another sweet part of our youth. The Big Kahuna was really Chris Varez, 69, who played a larger-than-life character that was still not as large as he was in real life.From my book about growing up in the 60s:1966 was the “Summer of the Big Kahuna” – KHJ’s most creative and ambitious promotion yet. They created

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What I'd do with Conan's money

My dream was never to host THE TONIGHT SHOW. It was for someone to pay me 32 million dollars to go away. So I started thinking, if someone wrote me a check for $32 million to let Jay Leno take over my blog what would I do with the money? Here are some possibilities.Of course I’d give to Haiti and other deserving causes of my choice (although I do that anyway).I’d buy my daughter, Annie a

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News flash: baby boomers don't prefer Leno. We're not THAT old

I read an article in Saturday’s LA Times by Neal Gabler that analyzed the whole Leno-Conan debacle. His basic point was that NBC made their decisions based on demographics. Conan was young and hip and drew the more desirable audience and Leno was old and stodgy and was the darling of the elder set. He ends by saying:As O’Brien faded into the evening last night with bundles of cash and

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Interviewing for writing jobs

Here’s a Saturday question. It’s like a Friday question except the question itself is longer than the answer. As always, when I can't find an appropriate picture I feature Natalie Wood. From Josh:I'm writing to you because I've started to take some showrunner meetings/interviews for TV comedies and I find them perplexing. In the past, when you've given a young writer or writing team their

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Conan has a job offer!

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First Stop L.A.

It's Friday questions day.jose asks:Hey Ken, where in LA do u think most first-year TV writers, and then show runners, tend live?Wherever they can find something reasonable. And most recently, not underwater. There’s an area of West Hollywood that’s unofficially known as “First Stop L.A.”. It’s around Melrose and La Brea. There are older apartments and small houses and duplexes. And lots of

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My celebrated "hippie" period

Here's another excerpt from the book I'm currently writing about growing up in the 60s in the San Fernando Valley. I'd take pre-orders but I haven't finished it. By 1967 I had been as far south as San Diego, far north as Santa Barbara, far east as Las Vegas, and far west as the end of the Santa Monica pier. But that was about to change. My dad announced that we were going up to San

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I keep thinking of "one more thing" to add on this Conan mess

So here's a bunch of "one more" things.For all of Jay's nice guy image, remember this is the same guy who scabbed during the Writers' Strike and never gave breaks to new comics. Johnny always did. That's how comedians like, uh... Jay Leno were discovered.Thanks to one of my commenters for the inside story on Conan's rally. Apparently Conan was out there shaking hands and buying pizzas. Glad

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The Leno-Conan soap opera continues

So it’s pretty much official. Conan O’Brien departs the TONIGHT SHOW Friday night after seven months. Wow. Jerry Lester and Dagmar lasted longer in that seat. Some more thoughts on this whole debacle.Jeff Zucker went on Charlie Rose and portrayed himself as the victim in this media brouhaha. Isn’t that kind of like the Menendez Brothers pleading for leniency for killing their parents by

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Nikki Finke will be my guest tonight...

...on Talkradio 790 KABC as I fill in for John Phillips. I’m on right now. You can hear it here. Nikki will be a guest along with Joe Flint who covers the entertainment industry for the LA TIMES and national movie reviewer, Leonard Maltin.Among the topics I plan to get to tonight:The Conan-Leno debacleJeff Zucker’s death threatsHaiti relief effortsThe Golden GlobesSaving BETTER OF

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How to hit on Margaret Colin

Guys, how’s this for a sure fire pick-up line?Margaret Colin is a fine actress. You’ve seen her on many things I’m sure. Recently she had a recurring role on GOSSIP GIRL. She’s been in INDEPENDENCE DAY, THREE MEN AND A BABY, and SOMETHING WILD among other features. In the late 80s and early 90s she was very hot in television. She starred in such series as FOLEY SQUARE, LEG WORK, SIBS, and

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Khloe Kardashian was home schooled??

Rainy days and Mondays always get me thinking.Some of our local movie theaters fill the pre-show time with slides of ads and filler like “Fun Facts”. Here’s one seen this weekend: Khloe Kardashian was home schooled. She graduated with honors. Don't ya love it? The only thing better would have been “Khloe Kardashian was home schooled. She finished second in her class.”The Golden Globes

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Some holiday recommendations

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day everybody!!!!From time to time I like to make recommendations. I get no kick-backs, happy endings, or any money from these endorsements. But if the subject matter interests you I think they're worth your consideration.I just finished a hilarious book called L.A. NUTS by Joe Dungan. It's a series of extremely funny essays about living in Los Angeles. Every

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No Golden Globes review...

Because a) I never do, b) the Golden Globes are a joke, c) I'm on KABC so couldn't watch them until late, d) 24 premieres, and e) I've never even been nominated. And I once bought these foreign press members lunch! The only things I'm sorry I'm missing -- Ricky Gervais (who I know will be hilarious) and the red carpet show watching all those stars get out of their limos in the rain.Just

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How not to direct a show

Yesterday I featured the first episode I ever directed. I've since directed over fifty more but you never forget your first one. It was also a bitch. Here are the gory details. I know it's kind of long but what the hell? It's a long weekend.The episode was called “Portrait of a Con Artist as a Young Man” (written by Jeff Richman & Joyce Gittlin). The premise was that addled mechanic Lowell

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My first directing assignment

Thanks to the producers of WINGS for giving a first-time director a shot. Special thanks to David Lee who patiently taught me camera blocking. I can watch this now without getting the sweats. Watch the show today and tomorrow I will fill you in on all the juicy details. Hint: Picture PROJECT GREENLIGHT but much more chaotic.

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Conan update

Like I said, things are changing every minute. Here’s the latest:It looks like NBC will settle with Conan for somewhere around $40million and he is free to go elsewhere. Conan, showing even more class, wants his staff to be taken care of too. They moved to LA from New York just seven months ago and now they’re out of jobs. Meanwhile, other NBC executives are bad mouthing Conan (more like

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My take on Leno-Conan.

A lot of readers have asked my opinion of the Leno-Conan debacle. You mean, besides fire Jeff Zucker? Anyway, here’s what I think:Jay was stupid five years ago agreeing to surrender THE TONIGHT SHOW. None of this would have happened if he didn’t say, “Hey, fuck you. I’m beating Letterman. Go away. I’ll leave when I’M ready to leave.”Jeff Zucker has ruined everything hes touched at NBC.

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Friday questions

Here are some Friday questions for the long holiday weekend. For the first one I got some help from a producer of LOST.Dan asks.I'm getting ready to write a spec, but I've been having some issues deciding which one to choose.Initially I wanted to write a 'Breaking Bad' episode, but now I'm a bit confused b/c like a lot of dramatic series these days, the show is serialized, not episodic. I guess

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Design a condom package and you could win!!

More fun even than my word verification contest or my “you supply the headline” contest. The city of New York wants YOU, yes YOU to design its new condom package. For years the Big Apple has been distributing prophylactics (several hundred thousand for Elliot Spitzer and Alex Rodriguez alone). But they need a new design and instead of having Donald Trump’s APPRENTICE contestants do it, they

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BETTER OFF TED -- best censored outtakes EVER

Warning: LOTS of swearing. I mean, LOTS of it. Seriously bad language. Spoken by beloved television characters. But Jesus, is it funny!

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My review of AMERICAN IDOL

Back for another year of reviewing AMERICAN IDOL. Since this is Simon's last it's probably mine too. Maybe next year I'll focus on HOUSE HUSBANDS OF HOLLYWOOD 2.Season 9 of IDOL began with an acknowledgment of all the changes. Paula left the series to pursue obscurity. We were told nine guest judges would appear on the audition rounds vying for Paula’s spot and they must’ve all done

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My take on Mark McGwire

I made some notes on the Costas-McGwire interview.McGwire got all emotional and cried several times.He admitted to taking steroids but not for the purpose of cheating.Although not as bad as Peter Gammons (Melissa Rivers asks tougher questions than the ones Gammons posed to Alex Rodriguez in a similar interview last year), Bob Costas didn’t hold McGwire’s feet to the fire. He didn’t really

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My plan for saving AMERICAN IDOL without Simon

Okay. It’s official. This is Simon Cowell’s final season on AMERICAN IDOL. He signed a document right in front of the nations’ TV critics on Monday. No one bothered to check whether the document was real though. For all we know, he could have in fact signed a “Save BETTER OFF TED” petition but that’s besides the point. After nine years Simon is moving on to produce and star as a judge in

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Is the Mentalist really the Equalizer?

I’m on board with THE MENTALIST.Yes, it’s a formula cop show. Yes, its “hook” (the star has extraordinary powers of observation and is eccentric) is the same as five other police series. And yes, at the end of the day you don’t really give a rat's ass who “did it”. But Simon Baker is fun to watch and at the end of the day isn’t that all that matters?What sets him apart is this insouciant

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CHEERS -- the Russian Poetry Corner

Here’s a scene of ours from a first season episode of CHEERS called "Any Friend of Diane's". Diane’s college chum Rebecca (played by Diane runner-up Julia Duffy) comes to visit the bar. Imagine a sitcom today being allowed to do this run.INT. BAR – DAYDiane and Rebecca are chattering away in French. They laugh together. Rebecca’s laugh turns into a sob, and she buries her face in her

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Lisa Edelstein on ALMOST PERFECT

Found this on YouTube. Lisa's scenes from one of our ALMOST PERFECT episodes. It's a little choppy in places but not bad. Here's the set-up. Lisa plays Patty Karp, married to Gary (the hilarious Chip Zien). She's every man's nightmare. This is the Thanksgiving episode. As great as Lisa is on HOUSE, she's an even better comedienne.

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Kelsey Grammer and the Real Don Steele

Wow. The first Friday question of the year. I’d love to answer yours. Just leave it in the comments section. All I ask is that you leave your name. Thanks.Today’s question is from anonymous.How does a major TV actor (like Kelsey Grammer) who has been in major hits (like Cheers and Frasier) end up in a stinker like Hank?To answer this I first must introduce you to a gentleman named The Real

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Why I can never be in a musical, even one I wrote

These are pictures from the musical I co-wrote with Janet Brenner, THE 60s PROJECT. Just by looking at them you can tell it was a great show, right? Thanks to Janet for the pix.The show was produced in 2006 at the Goodspeed Theater in Connecticut. It was theater summer camp except they never made us play basketball. Someday I hope there’s another production. It was very well received.

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Inside story on the CHEERS "Jeopardy" episode

Sometimes a Friday question requires its own post. And someone other than me answering it. Dan O'Shannon and his partner Tom Anderson wrote the Jeopardy episode of CHEERS. When a blog reader asked about it I sought out Dan for the answer. Dan O'Shannon became a show runner on CHEERS, FRASIER, and currently is executive producing MODERN FAMILY. Many thanks to Dan for writing back and writing

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Rory Markas

Many of you never heard of him. But you would have liked him.He loved people but lived alone.He was a performer but very shy.He worked in Anaheim but lived 100 miles away in Palmdale.For years he was a Los Angeles TV news anchor and Milwaukee Brewers baseball announcer – at the same time.He was a remarkable person.Rory Markas, only 54, passed away this morning of an apparent heart attack. Those

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Random Rants

New Year's Day leftover rants.Do we say two-thousand-and-ten? Or twenty-ten? Or hell plus one?Shouldn’t we be living the life of the Jetsons by now? Where’s my flying car that folds up into a suitcase?CRAZY HEART is worth seeing for Jeff Bridges but it's THE WRESTLER with country music.What will last longer? My grow light plant or the Jay Leno Show?Hey Rush Limbaugh, just imagine if you didn’t

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Did Warren Beatty really sleep with 13,000 women?

Here are some thoughts on Warren Beatty’s claim in his new book that he slept with 13,000 women. I better not hear any of these on Leno and Letterman Monday night. (Conan I don’t care. Nobody watches.) For you gag writer hopefuls this is what we call the mother lode. Weigh in with some of your own.I find it hard to believe that he has actually slept with 13,000 women. Wilt Chamberlain said

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Product Placement 50s style

Product placement is hardly new. Back in the 50s sponsors were incorporating their products into shows on a regular basis. Here's an example from MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY starring Danny Thomas. Notice how artfully they work in the commercial. If you weren't paying strict attention, why, you'd never know.And speaking of shameless plugs, join me on 790KABC today from 5-8 Pacific.

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The Taco Bell Drano Ken Levine Blog

Madison Avenue has a big problem. People don’t watch commercials. They’ve had fifty years to solve this problem (and judging by the Progressive Insurance commercials they’ve learned nothing) but now with Tivo, DVR's, and DVD's audiences can eliminate them completely. Advertisers must find new ways to convey the vital message that Lamisil targets toenail fungus where it lives.Subliminal messages

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The Hippie REVOLT

In doing research for my book on the 60s I came across this absurd trailer for a 1967 movie called SOMETHING'S HAPPENING about the Hippie "revolt". Thank God we had movies like this to put things in perspective and show us the REAL way.

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