Hey, who stole my flamingo?!

Or...my favorite pitch meeting ever.In 1978 my partner, David Isaacs and I were head writers of MASH. That fall we also signed on to write a pilot for CBS. Our producer was Allan Carr (pictured above). He was this rather flamboyant character famous for throwing lavish parties in the “King Tut Disco” in his home, producing such films as SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER and GREASE, and winning a Tony for

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Two GREAT quotes!

From Christopher Lloyd, co-creator of MODERN FAMILY. This comes from a current article about the show in ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY. If I can read between the lines, I think he's happier at ABC than he was with his previous network. "Getting notes on creativity from Fox is like getting notes on fashion from the Braille Institute."And from Jewish Punk Rocker Patrick A. or "Aleph", the 26-year-old

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Tara Reid

Tara Reid is an actress best known for her role in American Pie and her wild partying and plastic surgery nightmare. Reid was born on November 8, 1975 in Wyckoff, New Jersey and began her acting career at a young age. Reid’s first broke into the entertainment business in 1982 when she became a regular on a children's game show called "Child's Play". Reid subsequently appeared in over 100

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Happy Halloween

This has always been one of my favorite holidays, especially when the kids were little. Taking them trick-or-treating and seeing them so excited and happy was one of the true joys of parenthood. And then eating the candy they collected was fun too. Of course there’s always that one eccentric house. We had a dentist who gave out toothbrushes. Thank goodness he wasn’t a proctologist.And where I

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Working with the director of VOLUNTEERS

It’s Friday question day. Only one today but it required a long answer. What's your question???From Brian Doan:I was reading Nicholas Meyer's new memoir on a plane this weekend, and he has very kind things to say about the script you and David Isaacs wrote for VOLUNTEERS, how much he loved working on the film, and how he remains proud of the movie, even if it wasn't the big hit everyone wanted

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Shawnee Smith

Not to be a name dropper but as we approach Halloween I can honestly say I’m friends with “the Queen of Scream”, “the Goddess of Gore”, “The Whore of Horror?”(no, that doesn’t sound right). Anyway, it’s Shawnee Smith, star of SAW, SAW II, SAW III, SAW IV, SAW V, and because there are still so many unanswered questions: SAW VI.She is an absolute sweetheart.I actually go way back with Shawnee.

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Netflix pick of the month: BODY HEAT

Okay, I’m going to start talking film noir in a few minutes but let’s cut to the chase – I love BODY HEAT for the sex. That’s why I went to see it, that’s why I went back to see it, that’s why I’m recommending it. There’s noir and great breakout performances but all that is a bonus.BODY HEAT, released in 1981, marked the directorial debut of Lawrence Kasdan, who also wrote the film. Today

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Social Network Rejection

First off, get well soon wishes to Earl Pomerantz. He’s having robots operate on him or something. I’m not sure whether the WGA Health Plan doesn’t cover actual surgeons or robots are next big thing, but in any case – have a full and speedy recovery.Earl, as many of you know, is a fellow comedy writer and blogger. He asked me to remind you that during his medical “hiatus” he is running “Best

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Charlize Theron Kisses Woman For $140,000

I can’t get enough of these HuffPost Headlines for the important stories YOU need to follow. Just from today…Charlize Theron Kisses Woman For $140,000Billy Mays' Son Sponsoring Contest For Halloween Costumes Of His Dead DadEdward Norton's Maasai Marathon, Twitter & Vaselined NipplesDiddy's Brazilian Vacation: 'Ass! Ass! Ass!'Faizon Love: No Sock In 'Couples Retreat' Nude SceneDavid Cross: I

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My trip to Philadelphia

For you new readers, whenever I'm allowed out of the 310 area code I write up a travelogue of my trip. This saves you from having to actually go anywhere yourself. Here's the latest.If it weren’t for the Dodgers being swept by the Phillies, my sojourn to Philadelphia to cover them would have been sublime. But that “losing the pennant thing” really puts a crimp in your trip.Philadelphia is the

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PARADE

Guest blogger today. My daughter Annie files her review of the hit musical PARADE, now playing at the Mark Taper Forum in LA. It's won numerous Tonys but none of that matters until you've been accepted by the Los Angeles theater crowd. So how did it stack up? Here's Annie's report.Parade is a musical about the Leo Frank case, which took place in Atlanta in 1913. A young girl named Mary

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My season in the sun (photo album)

My baseball season is over. But it's been a great ride. Here are a few snapshots of my year with the Dodgers.Opening Day in San Diego. The Padres were undefeated when this picture was taken.He's the best manager I've ever worked with. Joe Torre... who reminds you all to try Bigelow Green Tea.The Milwaukee Hot Dog racers in a rare relaxed moment.My work station in the press box. Unlike the

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Nothing beats a good story

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My thoughts on Soupy Sales

You have to take my word for it. Soupy Sales was a brilliant physical comedian.Those of us of a certain age (middle… not old yet. Don’t rush us.) remember Soupy Sales fondly and are very saddened by his passing. The vast majority of you I suspect don’t even know who he is.And it’s not like I can just point you to some movies. Soupy’s milieu was live television. And worse, live local

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How we come up with character names

TGIFQD – Thank God it’s Friday Question Day.Scottmc asks:How much thought goes into a character's name? (Some feel that in 'The Odd Couple' Neil Simon already had his Act 3 joke in mind when he came up with the name 'Felix Unger'.) Sometimes a show can be on for years before a joke, or episode, about a character's name is used-was the joke always there?Selecting names is always a bitch. We go

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Have Blog Will Travel

As I fly home from Philadelphia (travelogue coming early next week), thought I’d share some random thoughts and rants on travel.It’s been eight years now. How can people NOT understand the concept of airport security checks? I guess this isn’t too surprising when every night at Dodger Stadium there’s at least three couples on the Jumbovision board who can’t grasp the intricately complicated

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When your girlfriend's father HATES you

Last week I presented another brief installment from my upcoming book on growing up in the 60s in the San Fernando Valley. It prompted a comment from fellow classmate Alexis along with a request:contrary to what you remember, I remember thinking you were cute, funny, and...well, cute and funny will have to suffice.You should relate the "Helene" story...I'll settle for cute and funny. Here's

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How to tell a bad sitcom

Charlie Hauck is a terrific comedy writer (FRASIER, MAUDE, etc.) and a hilarious author. His comic novel about a writing team launching a sitcom starring the diva from hell is both hilarious and all-too-real. The book is called ARTISTIC DIFFERENCES and well worth reading.On one page he explains how you can tell a bad sitcom. Simple rules, worth repeating here.1. Any show in which any

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Hangin' in Philly with the President of the U.S.

Hi from Philadelphia. The last time I was in the City of Brotherly Love in October it was with the President of the United States. We hung out in someone’s backyard.I guess you want an explanation, huh?Fall 1980. My partner David and I sold a pilot to ABC. It was about the White House Press Corps. We sort of pictured the young David Letterman as a hotshot reporter who slept around. Even

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How to interview a celebrity

As a public service to any toadie journalist assigned to do an inane starlet profile here is the style sheet YOU MUST FOLLOW!!!Whether it’s for the LA TIMES, ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY, PARADE, or MERCENARY LIFE there is a specific protocol you are advised to follow to the letter. So please take note:The interview must be a lunch date at a chic café, clearly identified.The celebrity will arrive

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Rocker Hospitalized After Bad Butt Injections!!!

Hello from Philadelphia. Brrrrrrrrr. I’m always amused at some of the headlines in the HuffingtonPost (where I'm a contributing writer). These are from Friday and today. Celebrity Chef's Ex-Fiancee Charged With Beating Him With A WristwatchBritish Reality Star Shows Her NipplesRocker Hospitalized After Bad BUTT InjectionsLindsay Wears Studded Jacket, Sad Face To CourtWhoopi Goldberg

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10 of the best minutes of VOLUNTEERS

I actually discovered a recent good review of VOLUNTEERS! The words "idiot" and "stupid" and "moron" are used a lot but it's still very positive. Here's one of my favorite sequences. Lawrence Bourne (Tom Hanks) posing as Kent Sutcliffe (to avoid a gambling debt) is on a plane to Thailand with fellow Peace Corps volunteers. There he encounters Tom Tuttle from Tacoma (John Candy) and Beth

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What to watch? MAD MEN or ICE ROAD TRUCKERS?

Here are some Friday questions and answers. Leave yours in the comment section.Let’s start with Patrick:With dialogue that deals with the involvement of lawyers, is there often a decision to just try something else in order to avoid a hassle? On The Office tonight there were two lines that seemed odd. At one point Dwight said something like, "... I search engined her." Obviously he meant Googled

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Hello from Dodger Stadium...

...where the National League Playoff Series is now underway. Before the game some goofy guy from the Jimmy Kimmell Show was walking around the field in just a towel. I'm sure hilarity ensued. No flyovers, no boy in a balloon -- just Billy Ray Cyrus singing the "Achy Breaky Star Spangled Banner". 50,000 people were disappointed it wasn't his daughter Miley.A giant flag was unfurled that

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Decoding Hollywoodspeak

Most of the real creativity in Hollywood goes into positive spin. Here are some industry expressions and what they really mean:“Hospitalized because the actor was simply feeling dizzy due to a medication he was taking for an ear infection” – drunk“Hiatus” – cancelled“Good Exit Numbers” – DOA at the boxoffice“Highly qualified” – knows somebody“They’re still good friends” – the ugly divorce

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"Go F*** Yourself" and other happy high school memories

Time to stagger down Memory Lane. Here's another short excerpt from the book I'm writing on growing up in Los Angeles in the 60s. This is from the Fall of 1965.Football games were usually followed by Friday night dances. I won’t belabor this excruciating exercise. Janis Ian made a nice living writing songs about teenage angst at dances and such. But it was a chance to see how much more fun

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Answers to the JON & KATE quiz!

If you got none right because you didn't take the test, you are a well-adjusted human being . You have priorities and can recognize that this is just a satiric piece, making fun of the most vacuous inane couple television has ever created. Extra credit for not even knowing who Jon & Kate are.If you actually took the test, you are a sad pathetic individual. Get a life, get help immediately, or

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Take the JON & KATE quiz!!

There’s been so much written lately about Jon and Kate Gosselin but how do you know what is true and what is just absurd? Test yourself on Jon & Kate! Answer these TRUE OR FALSE questions. Warning: some of them are actually TRUE. Jon says he’s half-Jewish.Jon signs up for J-Date.Kate once had an affair with the Unibomber.Kate made unauthorized withdrawals from their ATM.Jon is selling

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My trip to St. Louis

Took a quick trip to St. Louis with the Dodgers this weekend. Long enough to eliminate the Cardinals and move on to the National League Championship Series. However, on the bus to the airport we passed the Edward Jones Dome – a gentle reminder that Los Angeles may have beaten the Red Birds but St. Louis still has our Rams.St. Loo is famous of course for the Anheuser-Busch brewery. Although

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Speaking Farce-y

One writing question I'm often asked is how are farces constructed? I’m sure fifty different comedy writers would give you fifty different approaches but this is mine.First off there must be jeopardy. Something the characters need very badly and are willing to go to the greatest lengths to achieve. The situation can be totally absurd to us but to the characters themselves they’re very real. In

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For all you fans of Quentin Tarantino... and the Muppets

Here's the movie you've got to see. PULP MUPPETS.

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The episode of CHEERS that sparked an uproar and protests

Heading to St. Louis to cover the Dodgers-Cardinals National League Division Series. Last time I flew to St. Louis in October it was to report to Basic Training at Ft. Leonard Wood, so this is better.Here are some Friday Q&A’s.Mary Stella wonders:Is there an official phrase in the biz for giving big hints to the audience in case we're too dense to figure that a long shot of a kangaroo hopping

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Traci Lords called me an A**hole

I think I’ve reached my pinnacle as a blogger!Traci Lords on her Twitter page called me an asshole for an article I wrote about her (a TRUE article by the way). I was getting back at her because I wasn’t “good enough”. Oooh, I feel so..so inadequate.Stepping on toes unfortunately comes with the territory, especially if you’re a humor blog. As Larry Gelbart once said:“If what you're writing

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David Letterman's REAL apology

Did anyone on the planet buy David Letterman’s heartfelt apology on his show Monday night? At least Richard Nixon appeared sorry on the David Frost interview. But Letterman’s mea culpa felt so staged and insincere. If Dave really wanted to be honest and really wanted to express his genuine feelings, this is what his apology would have actually sounded like:DAVE:First of all, my ratings have

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My latest rant

Tomorrow: my take on David Letterman's Monday night apology, but for today -- what good is having a blog if you can't rant about things you have no control over and will never change?I had occasion to drive through Beverly Hills last week (where the Iranians who aren’t protesting roost). And there arching over on Rodeo Drive were Christmas decorations.It was September!Now granted, Christmas

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A handy writing tip

Just saw one of my favorite DICK VAN DYKE SHOW episodes, “100 Terrible Hours”. It’s the one where Rob was a disc jockey and had to stay on the air for 100 straight hours just before interviewing with Alan Brady for a writing job. I love that episode for many reasons but first and foremost is the structure. I imagine Carl Reiner and the staff thought it would be fun to see Rob’s initial job

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Men hugging men

... and then spraying each other with cheap champagne and beer even Norm Peterson wouldn't drink. This is moments before Manny Ramirez drenched me. If I got stopped at a sobriety checkpoint driving home I would be posting this from the LA County drunk tank right now. Covering the Dodgers all year for 790 KABC I was privileged to be on the field when they clinched the NL West title last night.

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5 Things You Don't Know About Me

A new meme going around asks: “what are five things people don’t know about you?”1. When I worked at Wallichs Music City, an LA record store, in the 60’s I used to throw Neil Young out of the listening booths for smoking pot. Once every two weeks. If only he had shared!2. Ann Jillian was my childhood friend (and still is).3. As a teenager I was offered a job writing for LAUGH-IN. I declined in

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Me calling Dodger baseball

The regular season is over but the Dodgers are in the playoffs! They can't seem to win one more game to clinch it but still!The good news: More games to cover. More Dodger Talk shows on KABC.The bad news: No, I can't get you tickets. And even if I could, you haven't talked to me since high school. Why the hell should I do you a favor? Oh...and it's Ken, not Kevin.Earlier in the year I

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The AMAZING jump rope dancers. You won't believe it!

You can keep your Laker Girls or college dance teams. These girls are amazing beyond belief. Introducing the Naval Academy Jump Rope Dance team. Wow.

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Agnes Moorhead AS Endora

First off, a couple of spots have opened up for the Sitcom Room seminar. If you're interested check it out. Remember, I only hold this seminar once a year. It's fantasy camp for comedy writers except you also learn a lot and get to see your work performed by professional actors. Let's see Robert McKee top that! Go here for details and to sign up.Now that we've had a word from our sponsor,

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