I'm holding another Sitcom Room Seminar

After a two year's hiatus I'm holding another Sitcom Room weekend seminar.  It will be the weekend of November 12-13, 2011 at the elegant LAX Hilton Hotel in Los Angeles.

Anyone who's been a professional sitcom writer knows that the most fun part of the job is being locked in a room with incredibly funny people.  Yes, at times you want to tear your hair out, but even then -- imagine going to

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Tweets worth Re-Tweeting

I was going to post this yesterday as a birthday toast, but then Annie built the Ikea cabinet and I had to go with that instead.  So here it is today -- a few of her Tweets. Tomorrow, the story of how she solves crimes (no, just kidding).
How long do you think it will be before Victoria Secret starts marketing itself as "The Halloween Costume Superstore"?

Apparently my twitter account was

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Handy Annie

I am not what you’d call “handy”. When I was in the 5th grade I took part in a citywide model boat competition. For weeks I built my wooden sailboat – sawing and sanding and hammering and varnishing. It looked awful. Lopsided, nails every which way, jagged instead of rounded curves. If they gave the same exercise to monkeys they could build better boats.

I took my funky vessel to Rancho

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One of those truly uncomfortable moments in life

From time to time, folks in show business try to use contacts to get house seats for various plays and musicals. Some participants of a production – like playwright, director, actors – are entitled to a certain number of house seats for each performance and often they don’t use them. So through agents, casting directors, friends, or on those rare occasions, actually knowing the participants

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If anyone hates me, I'll be at Jiffy Lube

I was walking through a mall recently and there was a radio station doing a remote. The disc jockey was in the corner of this store, sitting in front of a microphone, the station’s call letters on a big sign above his head. All of the music, commercials, everything else was back at the station. So it was just this poor schmoe, pleading for listeners to stop on by. Of course, that’s

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Dealing with rejection

I wrote a piece on Thursday about what it's like to write a boxoffice flop.  My point was to move on and work on something else.   A few years ago I wrote a piece more specific to dealing with rejection and thought this might be a good time to reprise it. 

Dealing with rejection is never easy. Especially when starting out. Barry Diller (the Dali Lama of sharks, pictured right) has the

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Vin Scully to return!!!

Vin Scully announced officially Friday night that he will return next year to broadcast Dodger games.  It will be his 63rd season.  I can't begin to tell you how relieved I am.  It's unthinkable to imagine Dodger baseball or LIFE without Vin Scully. 

Today is officially Thanksgiving.

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What's Alan Alda really like?

It’s why we look forward to the weekend – Friday Questions!   What’s yours?

Becky Asks:

What was Alan Alda like in person? Hawkeye Pierce was my first character crush as a 10-year-old girl and I've always wanted to know what the actor was like as a person.
Becky, you’ll be happy to know Alan is a terrific guy. Much like Hawkeye except he can’t do heart surgery worth a shit.

But working

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What's it like to have your movie flop at the boxoffic

There was an interesting article this week by Sean Hood, the screenwriter of CONAN THE BARBARIAN on what it’s like to have your movie flop at the boxoffice. A number of my readers emailed me asking how I handled major failure – the assumption of course being that I must have experienced that… probably often. Thank you for thinking of me. But the truth is, I have had my share of misfires.

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Mike Flanagan 1951-2011

So sorry to hear of Mike Flanagan’s passing. He was only 59. I got to know him during my year broadcasting for the Orioles. After his playing career he worked in the front office for the Orioles and recently did color commentary on their TV broadcasts. He was beloved in Baltimore… and for good reason.

In my book about my year with the Orioles (IT’S GONE!…NO, WAIT A MINUTE) this is one of the

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Crazy, Stupid, Love

I crazy, stupid, liked CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE. It was refreshing to see a romantic comedy where characters acted their age, the comedy was based on behavior and not violating a pie, and there were some genuinely big laughs. My biggest problem was that a better title for the movie might be CRAZY, STUPID, LONG.

They could have easily taken twenty minutes out of that movie and (a) you wouldn’t

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Darren Star thrown off his own show

Warning:  I'm feeling snarky and miscellaneous today. 

Darren Star has been banned from the set, writing room, and his office at the new ABC dramedy, GOOD CHRISTIAN BELLES. Despite taking full credit for the show, it seems there are actual showrunners and writers and they’re the ones in the trenches doing the actual work. A rift has occurred that has escalated to “him or us” status, and bless

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Check out this bizarre TRIPLE play

From a AAA game between Nashville and Omaha. Here's how it works: runners at first and second. Fly ball to center. The ball glances off the outfielder's glove, then head, but he manages to catch the ball before it hits the ground. Both runners were on the move. The outfielder fired to second to double-up one and on to first to complete the triple play. Have a look.

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DANGER! A new study says that TV can KILL!!!

It’s bad enough that sitting through an hour of THE VIEW can rot your brain. Now comes a study that says for every hour of television you watch after the age of 25, it shortens your life by 22 minutes. This is according to researchers at the University of Queensland in Australia.

So do the math.  If you watch six hours of television a night, you will die five years sooner. That means

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What Actors Hate (Besides Other Actors)

As mentioned in this space before, writers need to remember that actors perform their material. And there are certain things actors hate. As a public service, when writing your script, here are some of those traps that will make for unhappy actors and by extension, an unhappy you.

Actors hate having to give exposition. It’s dry, it’s informational, it’s not fun. Unfortunately, SOMEONE has

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An even more sexist ad

Yeah, I would say this is more sexist than the helpless wife having to drive all alone in the scary car. I would also say, "Yikes!"  Don Draper, you should be ashamed!
Thanks to reader DogsOnDrugs.com for the heads-up on this ad.

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Explain this one to me

Why do certain things go viral? This is an ad from the '60s for Goodyear tires that someone recently posted and already it's gotten close to a million hits. Why? Plus, it's labeled the "Most Sexist Ad of All-Time". Huh?? What am I missing?

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Shooting Just Shoot Me

Here's an episode I directed that I'm particularly proud of. It's for JUST SHOOT ME, written by Andy Gordon and Eileen Conn. I had a lot to wrestle with that week, including an orangutan, rushing water stunt, and glow-in-the-dark paint effect. I'm sure you'll recognize the guest star. It's Lisa Edelstein from HOUSE.

The last scene was particularly wild. It was quite complicated and

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How do you react to bad plastic surgery and other Friday questions

Who’s up for some Friday questions?
Beth Ciotta gets us started:

As a new and avid fan of BECKER via reruns.... Becker is, on the surface, a pretty despicable guy, yet I feel for him, root for him. Do you consider him the most difficult character you ever tried to humanize. If not... who and why?
Humanizing the character was made easy by casting Ted Danson in the role. He has a natural warmth

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On the eve of the fall season, an open letter to the networks

Been screening some of the comedy pilots for the fall season. Can’t really comment on specifics because (a) I haven’t seen all of them, (b) a number of them are being revised (some drastically), and (c) some were so fucking awful I couldn’t make it through ten minutes.

A few showed promise but sorry to say there’s not one real knockout like MODERN FAMILY in the bunch. And it’s not like they

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Fall Movie Preview Part 3

Wrapping up the Fall Movie Preview. See you at the Cineplex.

J. EDGAR – Leonardo DiCaprio in J. Edgar Hoover biopic. Oscar talk already. J.Edgar’s gowns supposedly knockout!

HUGO – After directing BOARDWALK EMPIRE for television, Martin Scorsese decided to return to features before getting roped into megging episodes of THE GLADES. This one is set in 1931 Paris, features the obligatory

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What is Sleeping Beauty really about?

Lots of discussion in the comments section today about what SLEEPING BEAUTY is. See if you can decipher from this trailer what the plot is.



Actually, my description -- although in jest -- was half right. A girl joins a brothel where the johns prefer the prostitutes to be drugged during, uh... client consultations. Sounds like a Sunday drive into some serious sick subject matter.  On the

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Fall Movie Preview Part 2

More of the movies you'll be subjected to this fall. Part 1 was yesterday.

WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER? – High concept romantic comedy (aren’t they all?) starring Anna Faris as a girl who must determine which of her twenty former lovers is her true love. Damn! There goes my Wilt Chamberlain notion. He has to choose between his 20,000 former lovers. And I’m already on page 3,473 on the screenplay.

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Fall Movie Preview Part 1

Not a baseball movie
The summer theme was “sequels”. For the fall it’s “apologizing for the premise because it’s not an easy sell”. Filmmakers are saying their movies are not what they clearly are. First up are a few examples as we begin our annual Fall Movie Preview.

As always, these are my impressions based on loglines, articles, trailers, hearsay, and everything except actually

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On the road again

Rangers Park, Dallas.  Photo by Jon Wolfert
Here's another travelogue. I file these whenever I go out of town. A compilation of them is available in my new book, WHERE THE HELL AM I? TRIPS I HAVE SURVIVED, available in all ebook formats for only $2.99 and paperback for only $6.99. Order yours here. Heck, order many dozen. Thanks.
Have Announcer Will Travel. Back from a whirlwind two

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Wackos we have hired

Today’s topic is nutty secretaries that my partner and I have had. Yes, the more politically correct term is “writers’ assistant” but the less p.c. and more accurate description of them is fucking loons.

Back in the day, studio secretaries were hired by the head of the steno pool. And those people were usually the craziest. So it only stood to reason that they would hire other fruitcakes.

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Dancing with the Super Committee

This reality show proposal comes from my writing partner, David Isaacs. A brilliant idea and you can see why I write with this guy.

A new TV series. A simple idea that will also instruct America on the continuing debt crisis. "Dancing with the Super Committee."

We team Senators Murray, Kerry, Baucus, Kyl, Toomy and Pentland with superstars like Cathy Lee Gifford, Ashlee Simpson, the NBA's

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What's the best scriptwriting program? What's the best sitcom format?

Back from Dallas where it's not 112. Travelogue to follow next week. Here are some Friday questions asked while I was away.
Purplejilly gets us going:

What do you think about script writing software? Do you use it nowadays? I've heard several people make comments like 'don't even bother to write a script if you aren't using XXX brand softwriting script and know it inside and out.' What's

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My first brush with show biz

Here's another excerpt from the book I'm writing about growing up in the '60s in the San Fernando Valley.  It's 1964 and I'm a young teenage nerd...That mystery glass booth at Wallichs Music City record store remained empty until July. And then an odd control panel appeared inside. Ominous with a big circular green fluorescent screen surrounded by blinking pen lights and toggle switches.

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A jaw dropping pilot you've got to see

This is IT'S A DOG'S LIFE from 1979. It was produced by Norman Lear's company (although his name is nowhere to be found). In fairness, it was written by a terrific writer but the concept and execution is just so stupefyingly terrible that it hardly matters.

This pilot aired once on "Failure Theater" (code name for when networks aired unsold pilots in the summer to burn off their cost --

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More hilarious unsold pilots

Hello from Dallas where it’s a tad hot. Here are more great unsold pilots. From the unsold pilot book by Lee Goldberg. And remember, these are all for real.
TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER    ABC-1964 -- Two aliens from Venus come to earth, meet an inventor, and go into business with him selling to unknowing earthlings products created for another planet.


13 THIRTEENTH AVENUE    CBS-1983 –

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Hilarious unsold pilots

You think some of today’s shows are strange? Friend of the blog and writer extraordinaire, Lee Goldberg once wrote a book listing unsold TV pilots. These are just from 1955-1990 and are not complete (two of our misfires somehow managed to fly under the radar). But some of these are priceless.  These are actual projects.  Writers pitched them with a straight face and sold them.  Scripts were

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I'm going to Disneyland!

Hello from Anaheim, where I'm on the road with the Mariners.  So while I'm here, thought I'd repost my trip to Disneyland from three years ago.  It's also one of the entries in my hilarious book (which you'll notice I haven't been hitting you over the head with lately) that is still only $2.99 and you can order yours NOW by going here.   Thanks. 
My wife and I went to Disneyland. Since

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How could they fire Jerry Lewis?

Thank you, Jerry for 45 years of great work. Now get out. That’s essentially what the MDA has done to telethon host/face of the charity Jerry Lewis. Oh, I’m sure he drove them crazy. I’m sure executives dove out of their 20th floor office windows when they heard he was in the building. But without Jerry there is no telethon. I mean, seriously, you’re replacing one of the icons of show

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How we got our first SIMPSONS assignment

Thanks for your Friday Questions. Here are some attempts at answers.


DyHrdMET gets us started.

Can you tell the story of how you got to THE SIMPSONS and came up with this story idea?
My partner, David Isaacs and I were friends with Sam Simon and had worked with him on a couple of other shows. When he became the showrunner for THE SIMPSONS he asked if we would write one. At the time they

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Bubba Smith 1945-2011

Sorry to hear of Bubba Smith’s passing. He was only 66. I worked with Bubba on two shows. Interestingly, neither of them are included in any of the obits I’ve seen. I guess he was more well-known for POLICE ACADEMY and the Oakland Raiders. But I worked with him on OPEN ALL NIGHT and THE MARY SHOW.

He was a series regular in OPEN ALL NIGHT -- a 1980 sitcom about an all-night convenience

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Jessica Harper responds

I'm always amazed when I mention someone in my blog and that person responds.  Jessica Harper filed a comment regarding my recent post about meeting her in a bank.  Here's what she had to say (for the two or maybe three of you who don't read the comments).  Thanks, Jessica.  You're a sweetheart.  
That is one fabulous story!
I would be lying if I said I remember the bank part (I DO remember the

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A very rare treat

Okay... as promised...

This is an episode of television you'll want to see.  It hasn't aired in thirty years.  This is from the short-lived ABC series, THE ASSOCIATES.    James L. Brooks & company, the creative team behind TAXI is also responsible for this forgotten gem.  The series is about a group of young upscale lawyers, starring a very young Martin Short.

This episode in particular is

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Who would play you in the movie?

Lately, there have been a lot of movies either made or in development about real life people. SOCIAL NETWORK for one. 127 HOURS is another. Upcoming you have MONEYBALL where Brad Pitt (of all people) plays the Oakland A’s General Manager, Billy Bean. And recently I read that the tell-all book on ESPN is soon to be a minor motion picture.

Keith Olbermann and Dan Patrick are already

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A little "chin music"

I’m back in Seattle calling games for the Mariners on 710 ESPN, MLB.COM, and Sirius/XM. A question I’m frequently asked is if I get to take batting practice with the players?

At the major league level, no. They sort of take batting practice seriously. And often, fans are invited to come out to the park early and watch BP and they certainly don't want to drive halfway across town to watch

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Another one of those great Hollywood stories

In early 1975 I was writing spec scripts with my partner, David Isaacs, trying desperately to break into the business. At the time we were going nowhere fast. The spec RHODA we had submitted was rejected. Then the producer left and we re-submitted it. And the new producer rejected it. (That new producer is now my next-door neighbor. I just keep re-submitting it.)

Anyway, on the way to

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