I've been saving the best for last!

Okay people. You've been enjoying this fine entertainment all day but have you picked up that computer and clicked on my Twitter link? No! What the fuck!! Do you think is easy? Do you think I like posting some new piece of shit entertainment every two hours? I haven't slept in three days!! What am I asking for here people? One click? One simple fucking goddman click? Are the people

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How do I keep coming up with such stupendous entertainment?

My Twitter telethon continues. Hoping to get another 5,000 followers... this hour. Or at least gaining more people than I lose. Come on people. It's for a great cause -- me maybe getting something out of it. Just go here.In the meantime, the AMAZING entertainment continues!!!! Oh, will you laugh!! Here she is, funny lady extraordinaire!!! The high priestess of hilarity, Jessica Glassberg.

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My Twitter telethon presents another spectacular act

It's hard to believe there can be so much sizzling entertainment on one blog but all these incredible performers have come together for this oh-so worthy cause -- me gaining more Twitter followers. I especially thank the ones who are no longer alive (performers, not new followers).Like this incredible late entertainer. Give it up ladies and gentleman to the incomparable SENOR WENCES!!

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You gotta have a plate spinner!!

Maybe this will finally entice people to follow me on Twitter. That's what this is all about. That's why all these great entertainers have lent their time and talent. I need more Twitter followers so I can maybe get a goddamn book deal. The staple of any telethon is the plate spinner. Ah, but this guy is not just ANY plate spinner. As astounding as it may seem, he can also build a small

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The spectacular entertainment continues

Unfortunately, Ed McMahon is not around so there's no reason to have a tote board. But we're falling behind people. I've had actually more people drop out. This is the first telethon that lost money. Is that even possible? I'm trying to get enough new Twitter followers to at least be as popular as the guy who tweets knock-knock jokes.And while you're signing up, enjoy our fine entertainment.

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More stars than are in the heavens!!

Okay, I'm sure these telethons take awhile to really get going and I should not be discouraged that I've only added three new Twitter followers. But the dazzling entertainment continues. As blog reader Mark correctly proclaimed, there is no telethon without Joey Heatherton!! So here she is fellas, singing her greatest hit and using her greatest prop! You can sign up here.

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My telethon begins!!!

So I hear if you have a gazillion followers on Twitter you can get a book deal. And since I'm writing a book, I thought "hey, what can I do to attract new followers?" The answer is a simple. The blog equivalent to a Jerry Lewis telethon. So throughout the day I'll be chiming in with shameless pleas, pathetic begging, and browbeating. But I'll also be providing you with the kind of

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Some things you wanted to know about CHEERS

A theme for today’s Friday questions: CHEERS.Steve asks a multi-parter:Many, many shows struggle with the issue of how to keep sexual tension between the leads without alienating fans annoyed with the "when will they do it?"question, or what to do once they finally do it.All these years later, what's your take on how Cheers handled the Sam & Diane relationship? What do you think would or should

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Steve McPherson out at ABC -- what it means...to me

With the announcement Tuesday that Steve McPherson would be stepping down as head of the ABC Entertainment Group I got a few emails from friends asking how this would affect me? To answer, I’d have to go back through my history with ABC.The last time David and I sold a pilot to the alphabet network it was 1981. We’ve done two pilots for ABC. Neither was shot. One was a family comedy. They

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Me & the Hells Angels

Here’s another chapter in my early checkered radio career. The first installment is here.1971 and I’m doing weeekends at KERN in Bakersfield. I was five at the time. (All TV writers older than twenty who hope to work lie about their age.) As mentioned before, the station was this shack out in the middle of nowhere. And since Bakersfield itself is in the middle of nowhere, the station is

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Scenes from Comic Con

Comic-Con, the destination for everyone who ever got beaten up in high school. Or Day Care. One of my spies took these pictures this weekend. Thought you might enjoy this glimpse into the Apocalypse."Yes, I feel I'm very qualified to run for the senate. I was an intern for Barbara Boxer, I vaporized North Korea, and unlike my opponent, I can relate to the common man."Fuel Pump Man is back and

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I hate Betty Draper!

I didn’t used to.She was one of my favorite MAD MEN characters season one. I loved that she shot the neighbors pigeons, and how ingeniously she got back at Don for being in cahoots with her therapist. (I’d say what that was but I’d get a hundred spoiler alert complaints even though it was three seasons ago. Netflix the DVD’s people!)I also felt sorry for her. She was this trapped 60s

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Jon Miller

The Hall-of-Fame just got funnier. My former partner in Baltimore, Jon Miller gets inducted into Cooperstown today. Jon is currently the voice of the San Francisco Giants and ESPN Sunday Night Baseball. Yes, Vin Scully is the ultimate baseball broadcaster but Jon Miller is the best of anyone under 82.And the funniest.Not that there’s a whole lot of competition in that category. Especially

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Pete Rose

Pete Rose is a former star major league baseball player who is the all-time leader in base hits. However, Rose threw everything away by gambling on baseball (and lying about it), thereby destroying his legacy and barring him from enshrinement in the prestigious Hall of Fame. Rose was born on April 14, 1941 in Cincinnati, OH. Sports were an important part of Rose's life during his youth. He

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Summer in the "Nutmeg State"

Four years ago this summer I spent July and August in Connecticut. In case you're thinking of vacationing there, here's my travelogue.Back from five weeks in East Haddam, Ct. and nearby Chester, Ct. where the musical I’ve co-written, THE 60’s PROJECT (pictured above) is in production. My eternal gratitude to Michael Price and the super folks at the Goodspeed Theatre for their hospitality.

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Angie Dickinson: Good enough for JFK not CBS

Good grief! It’s Friday question day. Leave yours in the comment section. Thanks.YEKIMI gets us started:Was there ever anyone you wanted to use as a "guest star" on MASH [or other shows] but decided against it or the network decided against it because they felt they had been "overexposed"? [i.e.: too many apperances on other shows, etc.]Not that I can recall. Generally we try to avoid that

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Blog spelling and punctuatio, or lack of same

When I can't think of an appropriate picture I always just use one of Natalie Wood.These posts would be so much eazier to write if I didn’t have to worry about spelling and punktuation. That was always one of the beauties of riting dialog. People don’t talk in grammatically correct sentences and who cares about the spellling because the audience is just hereing the words and not seeing dem.

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On the anniversary of Man landing on the moon...

Here's another taste of the book I'm writing on growing up in the 60s. It's July of 69. This is an event so monumental CBS pre-empted GREEN ACRES for it. There was even more reason to feel pride about being an American later that summer. We landed a man on the moon. Even Walter Cronkite choked up on CBS reporting it. The weekend of July 20th the entire nation was glued to their

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Slipping inside jokes into shows

A reader’s question will sometimes spark an entire post and that’s the case today. Richard Y. wanted to know about inside references and jokes writers slip into shows. Did we do it on purpose? How often did we do it, etc.? He perceptively noticed that on an episode of WINGS, Steven Weber walks by a magazine rack that features an ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY with his likeness and real name on the

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Let Steve Jobs determine YOUR sexual preference!!

Along with finding nearby Ethiopian restaurants and local weather you can now determine your sexual compatibility thanks to a nifty new app for iPhones, iPods, iPads, iAnything that starts with a P.The app is called BOINK (a term originated on CHEERS by the way. That and “pond scum” thank you very much.)You fill out a very detailed sexual survey then bump devices (already that sounds sordid)

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The story behind the CHEERS Bar War episodes

I get a lot of questions about the “Bar Wars” episodes of CHEERS that my partner and I wrote. So here are the FAQ’s.Did we purposely plan for the Cheers gang to lose every time? Yes. Except for the last one. Frustration is much funnier than victory. The trick however, was to find different ways for them to lose – or screw themselves. Guess I grew up watching too many Road Runner cartoons.What

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For FRASIER script fans...

Here's another of our scripts that has shown up on line. It's the FRASIER episode where Sam Malone from CHEERS visits. Also notable, the part of Sheila was played by Tea Leoni.You can access it here.

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Answering your TV questions...

....as I do every Friday.Let’s start with Matt:I have quite a few MASH scripts in my collection and in reading through them, none of writers indicate Stage 9 vs. Fox Ranch locations. How did the production staff decide which location to shoot scenes (aside from the obvious: EXT. CHOPPER PAD - DAY).The key factor was “time of year”. We could shoot exteriors of the Swamp and Mess Tent right on the

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If Letterman's extortionist wins an Emmy, here's his speech

How does David Letterman feel? He was passed over for an Emmy and yet today comes word that Joe Halderman – the man who tried to extort him – is nominated. Halderman’s nominated for producing a segment of 48 HOURS.If he wins, I hope they let him out of prison for the night to accept the award and that he gets to give the speech. This is what I think it should be:Wow! I wasn’t expecting this.

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How to get back at the network censor

I applaud the Appeals Court for overturning the FCC's "Indecency" rule this week. So while this is a hot topic...Battles between show runners and network Standards & Practices (i.e. Censors – despite what their business cards say) are common. Personally, I never had a major run-in with them. They have been annoying and at times infuriating but that’s just part of the process. Most of the

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My review of the All-Star Game

The Rally Monkey is off their back. In Angel Stadium, home of Rally Monkeys, thunder sticks, Splash Mountain fountains and other features that just wreak with baseball tradition, the National League beat the American League 3-1 for the first time since 1996. How long ago was that? The Ozone Layer was still fine. Blur was a big hit group. ALMOST PERFECT was even still on the air.But it was

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My first radio job

I’m starting a new on-going series – tales from my early radio days. Along with Netflix picks, travelogues, Friday questions, excerpts from my 60s book, award reviews, movie previews, early tales of my writing career, and eulogies I’ll be sprinkling these chestnuts in from time to time.I always contend that the only way I got respect in radio was by getting out of it. There was no Billboard

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Is Emmy a goddess or the whore from hell?

Congrats to all the Emmy nominees. It’s a wonderful recognition of your outstanding work.An Emmy can really help make a show a big hit. It sure helped CHEERS.However…“Emmy” can also be evil.She can also destroy a show. I’ve seen this before.MODERN FAMILY – beware! Emmy might be targeting you in particular for her treachery.Year one of a show – all the actors are one big happy family.

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This week in Tweets

This is the kind of crap I Tweet if you choose to follow me on Twitter.Saw Joe Biden's motorcade yesterday. Didn't realize it. 2 limos and lots of police. I thought it was Lindsay Lohan being taken to County.LeBron deciding where to go for dinner tonight. ESPN hour special begins in fifteen minutes.Ballplayer walk-up music is annoying. Mine would be "God Bless America". I would get a standing

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From the Chutzpah Hall of Fame...

Here's another baseball post for people who don't like baseball. It's about one of the most outrageous characters I've ever met.This goes back to my minor league days. For the three years I broadcast in the minors for Syracuse and Tidewater. You meet a lot of colorful individuals on that circuit but none even close to the announcer for Louisville (who was replaced by a guy named Joe Buck).

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A Woody Allen bit you've never seen before

Since Woody Allen seems to be a current topic on this blog I thought I'd share a great bit of his from the mid 60s. From time to time Woody would appear on CANDID CAMERA. For those who never heard of CANDID CAMERA, it's PUNKED but done in the 50s and 60s on CBS. Woody Allen participated in this segment. He's an executive hiring an unsuspecting secretary.

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LeBron is a disloyal a-hole...and Friday questions

Ready for some Friday questions besides why did LeBron pick Miami over the Cavs or Clippers?Mary Stella gets us started.This week's TV Guide says The Cosby Show single-handedly brought back the sit-com. Do you agree, disagree or . . .?I absolutely agree. In the early 80s there was a lot of talk that sitcoms were dead. Many sitcom writers were writing hour MAGNUM P.I. specs hoping to still stay

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Women I love

Yes, it’s a direct ripoff of Esquire but I doubt if my choices match theirs.GINA BELLMAN – If you just watch her on LEVERAGE you won’t know that in the British version of COUPLING she was absolutely hilarious. Somehow can play both sexy and goofy at the same time. I don’t know how she does that.ELENA KAGAN – Handled the confirmation hearing with aplomb and humor and resisted the strong

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Woody Allen's best six movies

The Times of London asked Woody Allen to list what he thought were his best six movies. His answer rather floored me.ZELIGPURPLE ROSE OF CAIROHUSBANDS AND WIVESVICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONABULLETS OVER BROADWAYMATCH POINTNow granted Woody Allen has made probably 200 movies. He pops them out like they were Pez tablets. And yes, a lot of them are God awful. It’s even harder to narrow those down

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Netflix pick of the month: MEATBALLS

As we head into summer, here’s my favorite summer camp movie. This is no easy feat as there are probably 4,000 summer camp movies out there. WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER was a definite contender along with CAMP (the genre movie for the GLEE crowd). And for just a sheer summer romp, who could forget FRIDAY THE 13th?But my nod has to go to MEATBALLS from 1979. Primarily due to Bill Murray. It’s

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The MASH characters today

Reader Bob Sommers wondered where the characters of MASH would be today? Since the Korean War was almost 60 years ago they'd probably all be dead. Super short blog post.But here’s the good news: through the miracle of reincarnation they have all come back and are with us here today.Frank Burns is now Glenn Beck.Radar O’Reilly is now Bill Gates.Hot Lips is now Faye Dunaway.Charles Winchester

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What U.S. senator used to be a Mick Jagger impersonator?

Would love to see him do these moves on the senate floor.

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The 4th of July and Buster Keaton

When I was a kid growing up in Woodland Hills, California – a suburb in the San Fernando Valley we always had a July 4th parade. It was not very big. Zero floats. A few school marching bands all playing Stars & Stripes Forever and Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini, girls twirling batons (which proved to be more dangerous to crowds than today’s maple bats), local dignitaries (“Hey,

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What celebrities are Tweeting right now...

As a way of thanking my Twitter followers, I scanned these Tweets so you don't have to.John Stamos | la-nycI love mexico! beautiful country, good 'family' people. off to mexican yoga- whatever that is. about 7 hours agoBarbara WaltersI am feeling great. about 1 month agoA month ago? I need an update for my chart. Paris HiltonWhat a fabulous day! Great game! Now back to the hotel for a nap and

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The actual script for our first MASH

This turned out to be the most important script of our career. It was our first MASH ("Out of Sight/Out of Mind") and it really put us on the map. I'd say honestly that 90% of our writer's draft made it to this shooting script.So here it is, in its original form. You can read it here.Many thanks to friend of the blog, Matt Barnett for discovering and sharing this pdf file.

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If I could write on any show...

Happy Indie Day. Here are some Friday questions to read in the Emergency Room if you’re planning on using home fireworks this weekend.Brian starts us off:What show past or present would you have loved to have written for and is there a show you would turn down?(if you were fortunately enough to be able to turn down work).I would have killed to have written for THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW. Also BILKO

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Is King Tut's Penis Missing?

How's that for a grabber? Happy to say I'm a contributing columnist to the HuffingtonPost. I love when one of my articles is on the front page ahead of Bill Clinton's and Jamie Lee Curtiss'. Better than the rants are the headlines. These are ACTUAL HuffPost headlines from just yesterday. I imagine some are still up.Is King Tut's Penis Missing?Chinese Companies 'Renting' White PeopleAmazing

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The National Anthem... and this goes for you too, Canada

A recent email I received from reader Corrine:I have a request.I think my favorite post of yours is The National Anthem. In fact, I dug it out last night to show a friend after a discussion on our Canadian Anthem last night. Though written for the US anthem, the sentiments could easily apply here as well.In honor of Canada Day, July 1st, (and, of course, the US celebrations July 4th) could you

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